A Time to be Thankful ~ Day 20 ~ 30 God's Timing

The other night I had a scary dream.  I found myself walking along a wooded path.  Suddenly I came to a dark tunnel. There was no other route to take but through the tunnel. I was fearful to enter its dark passage way.  I hesitated but went forward anyway. Once I entered I felt the bright sunlight follow behind me. The more I entered the tunnel, the more the light continued to follow me.  As I walked along, the light behind me was so bright that the tunnel didn't seem as dark as it once was. I forged ahead facing my fear.  As I did, the smaller the darkness seemed as well as my fear. I awoke before seeing the way out but somehow I know the light would follow me to the end of the passage way.

This how my life has felt recently, like I am walking through a dark tunnel.  There's no other way around the tunnel but walking through it.  I have heard that analogy so many times before.  It's not until we are in a war of faith that those positive thoughts hit home. They become our shield in the battle.

My family and I have endured one stress event after another lately. Regardless of the stress, we have had not other choice but forge ahead.  What keeps me going is knowing that God will lead me to the end of this tunnel eventually.

Unfortunately I did not get to update my thankful series blog on a daily basis like I had planned. I am disappointed but at least I can say I finished it somehow.  Better luck next year.  Isn't that just like life though? Just when we think we got things rolling and going our way, somehow those roadblocks come in and put us at a stand still. We get angry when we can't do things on our own timing. God has a way of stopping us in our tracks and redirecting our focus.

I mentioned on Day 1 that I haven't been able to walk much because I had a herniated disc pinching the nerve.  I ended up having surgery a lot sooner than I planned because I was unable to walk. This is the worse pain I have ever experienced in my life so far. Yuck!  I am truly grateful that I had insurance and could get surgery.  I have had to let down my pride and accept help from my family and friends. I don't know how I would have made it without Aunt Donna, my cousin Amanda, and my friends Susan and Mike.  Accepting help is not easy for me. 

At times I have lost track on how important it is to trust God's timing. With things being difficult and chaotic, my faith has been truly tested. I wish I had the magic words to say to just trust in God's plans. But if you are in the middle of the battle sometimes words alone don't help. In those dark moments we must remind ourselves that all things are temporary. We are not alone in the battle.  I remind myself of all the other trials that God helped me conquer.  God has a purpose and a reason for the battle.  We may not understand His reasoning but one day we will.  We will come to the end of the battle and be grateful that He was with us all along.

I am learning that no matter what circumstances come into our life, we have to trust God regardless.  Continue to fight and forge ahead in the battle of faith.

A Time to be Thankful ~ Day 4 Spiritual Eyes

Spiritual Eyes

Back in 2010 I had Lasik surgery done to correct my vision. I am grateful for the surgery and being able to see.  I can't imagine not being able to see.  Being blessed with good eyesight truly is a gift but being blessed with spiritual eyes is an even better gift.

I never thought of spiritual eyes until I started listening to Joel Osteen back in early 2000.  I slowly began to understand that if I wanted to increase my faith and have peace with God, I had to correct the vision of my spiritual eyes. I had to trust and develop a stronger relationship with God.

Being in a toxic relationship distracted me from placing my time and trust in Christ.  My ex was my Savior. Whatever mood he was in determined my mood.  Whatever made him happy made me happy.  I was like a clone of his emotions.  I struggled to live for him. I depended on his attention and love for me to bring me joy and peace. I endured this lifestyle for so many years. I was drained, depressed, and disappointed countless times.  No one should be responsible for our emotions - good or bad.  Nor should we have to rely on any person to bring us that peace.  It is up to us to take control of our emotions and our lives.

I struggled to make our relationship work but my peace wouldn't come until I left that lifestyle.   My spiritual eyes would not improve until I placed God at the center of my life. 

At the end of 2008, my life seem shattered.  He and I had broken up for good.  Within a few weeks my dad was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. No matter how much I wanted to control things, I realized that I had no control over anyone's life, especially the two people I had cared for the most.  I couldn't change my ex and I couldn't heal my Dad.  

All I could do was let go and trust. I had to trust that this invisible being, this spirit, was walking with me.  I was overwhelmed with such fear and loneliness.  I wasn't sure what next step to take.  I cried out to the Lord.  Suddenly the peace came over me. I don't know how but I just knew my life would better.  I trusted that God would give me the strength and directions I needed, and He did. My spiritual eyes grew stronger.

I believe that all things happen for reason. My losses taught me that no matter what overwhelming struggle we may endure, God is always walking beside us.  All we need to do is call out to Him.  He will lead us. He will strengthen the vision of our spiritual eyes.

 

Fear of Change

Who likes changes???
My stomach ached with fear and anxiety.  I dreaded to start the day as I was tired from a restless night full of worry and crying.  This was to be a new year filled with joy, excitement, and new goals.  Yet I would have rather been swept away with the old year like a memory pushed under the rug. The year started off in a negative light - I had lost my dad, my ex had moved out, and my close friend and co-worker was leaving.  Everyone seemed to be disappearing right in front me as I struggled to cling onto them.  Many times getting out of bed was such a fight.  The only positive I saw was the weight loss from my lack of appetite with all of my anxiety and depression. This was me at the beginning of last year. 


Change.  Does anyone really like change, other than that clinging sound of the stuff in your pocket yearning for the vending machine? Negative change never fails to come right when life is going so great then suddenly life turns upside down.  You lose a job, or a spouse, a loved one, something close to you, or your car unexpectedly breaks down.  Perhaps the situation can be even more extreme such as losing a home to a tragedy like the big "F"s -- fire, flood, or foreclosure.


Even positive changes can be scary like getting a new job, a baby, or a new home. We wrestle with the idea of making the right decisions.  Should I take this route?  Maybe we feel failure, rejection, or that something bad will happen if we do  a "different" thing.  We stick to the same routine as we know what to expect.  However, sometimes the very goal or passion we yearn for in life can be the very thing we keep running from.

Change is unavoidable.  Whatever the case, life changes, whether they are good or bad, can be very scary.  Is there a change in your life that NEEDS to happen yet you are too afraid? 
That impending fear of going down a different new path of life keeps us circling around in a dirty pond with no room for growth.  Imagine if we never conquered our fear of change - stuck crawling instead of walking, stuck in the same rut of life with the same routine.  Step out Faith.

God asks us to trust Him, step out in faith, knowing that whatever choice we make, He will always be there to protect us. We can rest in peace knowing that when God throws unexpected changes in our lives, He wants the change to be for the good in our lives, to bring out the best in us. As Romans 8:28 states"...we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him." After all, He knows what is best for us even when we think we know it ALL.

Take a new route in life.  God has exciting adventure waiting for you.