i found me: September 2010

Experiencing the Honey Festival from the Other Side....

On the Other Side

I sat at my table watching the people drift by. They barely glanced my way. There were so many wonderful things to look at so why would they take a second look at me. Those old feelings of shame, embarrassment, and failure began to creep into my soul. Why did I come here? Was it really that important to share my thoughts and reach out the people passing my way? How foolish I felt compared the other bustling booths at the Honey Festival. What was even more frightening was that it was only Friday night. I had two more days so sit at this table - two more days to sit and watch the happy families walk on by while I stared aimlessly at them.

The trip to KY had started off bad. For the first time in my life, I had missed my plane out of Houston and had to sit for nearly two hours for the next flight. In addition, I was so induced with my mom's conversation that I missed the Mountain Parkway exit and got lost several times. By the way, why can't they just add a dang exit for that parkway on the other side of the interstate? No wonder I felt like a failure at this point.

Like a movie preview, memories of my past began to flash within my mind. My eyes began to water as I recalled them all -- memories of never fitting in no matter how hard you tried. Those same old feelings of never being good enough, smart enough, and always being shuffled to the side as if you never mattered. I remember wanting to cry out, to have a voice, but it always seemed useless. No would listen anyway. That was over 20 years ago and here I sat reliving those haunting memories as if they had just happened.

I feared the rejection. Most of all, I feared annoying people, the people of Eastern KY who I have such a compassion and love for. Perhaps they would think of me as some weird stranger who had no idea about life in the hills of KY. It has been awhile since I have had to walk up the holler, pack water from the branch, or nearly gotten ran over crossing Main Street in Jackson. Funny how all that comes back so naturally. Yet I knew I was here for a reason. I had something to share.

Me and my Booth

Well, I am Truly happy that this was not the whole story from my Honey Festival experience. Friday night did start off awkward but by the end of the evening, I couldn't wait to run to Wal-Mart before it closed. I just had to have more goodies to give out and improve my booth a little more. Of course, getting my 4-H corn dog came first! It tasted even better than I remembered alongside the ice cold Coke!! Coke is our preferred option in Texas over Pepsi. Sorry Pepsi Lovers! :)

By Saturday, I was able to sell nearly all of my books, I Found Me, leaving only 4 books left for Sunday. I also gave out plenty of business cards, stickers, articles, bookmarks, candy, as well as Hugs and promises of prayers to those I met. The old feelings of rejection and sadness were long replaced with laughter, smiles, and a stronger deep compassion for my hometown.


Mike Bryant and Me (BHS Class of '88!)

By the end of the weekend, I felt sad taking down my table and sign. Yet I knew that I had made an accomplishment. I had came here to serve as God's purpose. In fact, I was able to donate two copies of my books to the Jackson Library. Check them out if you didn't get a chance to stop by my booth! Perhaps I can attend the Honey Festival again next year!! :)

Obey God's whispering commands, those inner instincts. Trust God!