A Time to be Thankful ~ Day 20 ~ 30 God's Timing

The other night I had a scary dream.  I found myself walking along a wooded path.  Suddenly I came to a dark tunnel. There was no other route to take but through the tunnel. I was fearful to enter its dark passage way.  I hesitated but went forward anyway. Once I entered I felt the bright sunlight follow behind me. The more I entered the tunnel, the more the light continued to follow me.  As I walked along, the light behind me was so bright that the tunnel didn't seem as dark as it once was. I forged ahead facing my fear.  As I did, the smaller the darkness seemed as well as my fear. I awoke before seeing the way out but somehow I know the light would follow me to the end of the passage way.

This how my life has felt recently, like I am walking through a dark tunnel.  There's no other way around the tunnel but walking through it.  I have heard that analogy so many times before.  It's not until we are in a war of faith that those positive thoughts hit home. They become our shield in the battle.

My family and I have endured one stress event after another lately. Regardless of the stress, we have had not other choice but forge ahead.  What keeps me going is knowing that God will lead me to the end of this tunnel eventually.

Unfortunately I did not get to update my thankful series blog on a daily basis like I had planned. I am disappointed but at least I can say I finished it somehow.  Better luck next year.  Isn't that just like life though? Just when we think we got things rolling and going our way, somehow those roadblocks come in and put us at a stand still. We get angry when we can't do things on our own timing. God has a way of stopping us in our tracks and redirecting our focus.

I mentioned on Day 1 that I haven't been able to walk much because I had a herniated disc pinching the nerve.  I ended up having surgery a lot sooner than I planned because I was unable to walk. This is the worse pain I have ever experienced in my life so far. Yuck!  I am truly grateful that I had insurance and could get surgery.  I have had to let down my pride and accept help from my family and friends. I don't know how I would have made it without Aunt Donna, my cousin Amanda, and my friends Susan and Mike.  Accepting help is not easy for me. 

At times I have lost track on how important it is to trust God's timing. With things being difficult and chaotic, my faith has been truly tested. I wish I had the magic words to say to just trust in God's plans. But if you are in the middle of the battle sometimes words alone don't help. In those dark moments we must remind ourselves that all things are temporary. We are not alone in the battle.  I remind myself of all the other trials that God helped me conquer.  God has a purpose and a reason for the battle.  We may not understand His reasoning but one day we will.  We will come to the end of the battle and be grateful that He was with us all along.

I am learning that no matter what circumstances come into our life, we have to trust God regardless.  Continue to fight and forge ahead in the battle of faith.

Take It Easy...

These past few weeks have been really stressful for me. Losing a close friend, struggling with classes and work,  the worries of world and trying to keep up with other personal stuff in my life has brought me back to that place full of anxiety.  It's that place where I try to carry everything upon my shoulders while pushing God aside.  With so much going on in our society, I make up in my mind that He doesn't have time for me.  I assume my needy little prayers are so insignificant compared to the issues of others.

This is exactly how I felt today! :^) 
My mom with her grandpa,
Wayne Back (Bach). It's great to know God's
there when we cry like babies!

After sniffling over my troubles this morning, I remembered my handy little chart posted by my desk.  My chart has a list of those negative remarks that so often pop in my head.  I also have scripture and positive reinforcements listed against those negative remarks.  My favorite this morning was Hewbrews 13:5 which states I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Regardless of the troubles of the world, God has promised to always be there even when others disapppoint us or are not there.  He comforts us when we are scared, unsure of life, and even frightened of answered prayers.

A few weeks ago my cousin Teresa shared with me of photos of my mom from years ago hanging with her cousins, Charles, John, and Bob Fugate. How simple life seemed to be as a child with no responsibilities. Yet everyone seems to have struggles and responsibilities.  Wouldn't it be nice to just chill out in the wagon and let God pull it for awhile?

My mom hanging with her cousins,
Charles, John, and Bob Fugate



Blogging my struggles and getting refocused in His Word reminded me of chilling in that wagon.  The worries of my finals, family, friends, and the weight of the world is now in His Hands to carry. He can do a better job than I can.  :^) God Bless!

May your worries and struggles be lifted into His Hands.

Happy Mom's Day to My Mommy,

Patricia Colleen Fugate!

Bullied by a Religion

The Unseen Bully

As usual, I sat quietly in study hall lost in another world.  It was easy to disregard the other students around me. On occasions, I would hear their whispers and giggles about my hair, shoes, or whatever else about my appearance that was comical to them. By the time I was a junior in high school, I wasn't a stranger to bullies.  In fact, I had grown quiet bored of other students' disapproval and immature laughter at me.  Yet the whispers did not make me invulnerable. Rejection still hurts regardless.  A couple of girls questioned me and made hurtful comments about my clothes.  Too embarrassed, I never shared much and always replied with smiles.  Apparently this was even more comical to them.  Thankfully by the end of the semester, I was able to transfer to another class.  On my way out the door, one of the arrogant girls stated "Bye, Miss Smiley".  I gladly smiled my biggest smile at her and went on my merry way.

As long as I can remember, I always longed for that sense of belonging with others.  Regardless of how I was treated, I don't recall confronting many people, mainly out of fear, but also because I know the pain of rejection. Early on my parents taught me the spirit of love and respect for others.  While this is a great asset, I was also taught to remain quiet and that your opinion isn't that important. However, now my heart has been called not to be quiet and to share my thoughts.

Lately the bully issue has been a hot topic. Most times when we think of bullying, the scenes from The Christmas Story may make us chuckle. Yet bullying still occurs long after we have left those wonder years behind.  Like my junior year experience, the unseen enemy is right next to you.  Maybe you are wrapped up in another world like I was in those teen years.  " What bully? How can bullying possibly be in religion?" Easy.

Our country's foundation was an exciting new beginning with the freedom to share and practice Christianity.  The freedom we have in American truly is a blessing so no wonder many scramble to get in our doors.  The freedom of speech, to choose, to love, and the freedom of religion.  However this freedom can also cause chaos among those who believe their opinion, their religion, and their leadership is the RIGHT and only way.  We lose sight of the importance of it all.

I have been fortunate to have friends and acquaintances from diverse cultures, opinions of life, and religious denominations.  What amazes me the most is that regardless of the beliefs, the common denominator is always God, Prayer, and Peace Towards Others. Did I choose these people or was it God, my Heavenly Father, who brought us together? I believe "our {re}connection could be impacting a yet bigger picture somewhere else" as my childhood best friend, Betty, stated to me in a recent email. Our reconnecting friendship just happened a few years ago through some unfortunate events.

Whatever your belief, I felt blessed and compelled to share the link below as presented by a Muslim / Christian speaker, George Chavanikamannil, who recently spoke at my church, Grace Community.  His knowledge of the Koran and the "Islamic Extremists" shattered my heart. Strangely, I felt much sadness but not just because the Koran denies Christ, my Saviour, calls Jews "filthy pigs", or strives to "kill" those who deny the Koran. The sadness I felt and still feel is the separation of all mankind.  As tragic as it was was, my heart is still warm from those friendly humble "togetherness" moments days after the 9/11 incident.

While there may be many beliefs and lots of spirituality confusion, this is not by accident. The Enemy loves to have confusion and separation.  Having extremists (bullies), whether it be a cult, social group, or religion, who wants to annihilate you because you are Jewish, Christian, or anything other than Islam/Muslim or an unbeliever is not part of God's world. That separation from God, our inner Peace, causes us to hurt and disbelieve in anything good.

And just as there is confusion, there is also Hope.  Hope for all believers, regardless, to pray, to seek within their heart, and hold tight to the Power that is stronger that us all, which is God's Almighty Hand. Stand strong and smile at the bully.

We have the choice to believe in HIM, yet God never refuses to choose us.

• Info on the Koran & Islam
• No Matter What

Nourish Your Friendships

Friends are like Flowers!
I like to think of friendships kind of like plants or flowers. When you find a nice one, you want it to grow by planting the seed. However, you have to remember to nourish it by watering, fertilizing, and paying attention to it. Friendships are the same way. It requires us to give away a part of ourselves, to pay attention. We have to take the time to listen and share of ourselves like watering the plant. We take the time to allow it to grow by spending time with our friends such as fertilizing to help the friendship grow. Our friends should bring out the best of who we are as we do the same for them...to encourage, brighten, and help each other grow in the way God has called us to be.

I've never been good with plants. In fact, if you want a plant to die, just let me touch it as I must have the plague for plants. Embarrassingly, the same is true when it comes to my friendships. I am able to share with others and be open about a lot of things. However, there always seems to be an emotional "halt" or "wall" that comes up when I feel I am getting too comfortable. My trust guard jumps up and says "Hey, we'd better not go any further!"

Perhaps its my "only" child syndrome that allows me to be secure and safe in my own little world. As with a lot of "only" children, our time with friends is valuable, sometimes attention hungry, yet we have no problem walking away and being alone. We've been alone most of our childhood. Our close friends were inanimate objects, things we would cling to as if the objects had real feelings or souls.

Perhaps it could also be those toxic friendships of my past where I gave and gave of myself yet was taken advantage of many times. I have a tendency to over give of myself. Because of my esteem issues, I often seek the approval or the OK from the other person. Slowly I am learning that it is not the approval from others that I need. Its the acceptance of God that I have already received. It's up to me to be acceptance of myself and to accept the love of God in my life on a daily sometimes hourly basis.

I would like to have more flowers in my life. I know God will provide them, some thorns and weeds too, but it will be up to me to water and fertilize them.

Nourish the friends in your life!