Posts
Mask or No Mask
3 years ago
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Bullied by a Religion
The Unseen Bully
As usual, I sat quietly in study hall lost in another world. It was easy to disregard the other students around me. On occasions, I would hear their whispers and giggles about my hair, shoes, or whatever else about my appearance that was comical to them. By the time I was a junior in high school, I wasn't a stranger to bullies. In fact, I had grown quiet bored of other students' disapproval and immature laughter at me. Yet the whispers did not make me invulnerable. Rejection still hurts regardless. A couple of girls questioned me and made hurtful comments about my clothes. Too embarrassed, I never shared much and always replied with smiles. Apparently this was even more comical to them. Thankfully by the end of the semester, I was able to transfer to another class. On my way out the door, one of the arrogant girls stated "Bye, Miss Smiley". I gladly smiled my biggest smile at her and went on my merry way.
As long as I can remember, I always longed for that sense of belonging with others. Regardless of how I was treated, I don't recall confronting many people, mainly out of fear, but also because I know the pain of rejection. Early on my parents taught me the spirit of love and respect for others. While this is a great asset, I was also taught to remain quiet and that your opinion isn't that important. However, now my heart has been called not to be quiet and to share my thoughts.
Lately the bully issue has been a hot topic. Most times when we think of bullying, the scenes from The Christmas Story may make us chuckle. Yet bullying still occurs long after we have left those wonder years behind. Like my junior year experience, the unseen enemy is right next to you. Maybe you are wrapped up in another world like I was in those teen years. " What bully? How can bullying possibly be in religion?" Easy.
Our country's foundation was an exciting new beginning with the freedom to share and practice Christianity. The freedom we have in American truly is a blessing so no wonder many scramble to get in our doors. The freedom of speech, to choose, to love, and the freedom of religion. However this freedom can also cause chaos among those who believe their opinion, their religion, and their leadership is the RIGHT and only way. We lose sight of the importance of it all.
I have been fortunate to have friends and acquaintances from diverse cultures, opinions of life, and religious denominations. What amazes me the most is that regardless of the beliefs, the common denominator is always God, Prayer, and Peace Towards Others. Did I choose these people or was it God, my Heavenly Father, who brought us together? I believe "our {re}connection could be impacting a yet bigger picture somewhere else" as my childhood best friend, Betty, stated to me in a recent email. Our reconnecting friendship just happened a few years ago through some unfortunate events.
Whatever your belief, I felt blessed and compelled to share the link below as presented by a Muslim / Christian speaker, George Chavanikamannil, who recently spoke at my church, Grace Community. His knowledge of the Koran and the "Islamic Extremists" shattered my heart. Strangely, I felt much sadness but not just because the Koran denies Christ, my Saviour, calls Jews "filthy pigs", or strives to "kill" those who deny the Koran. The sadness I felt and still feel is the separation of all mankind. As tragic as it was was, my heart is still warm from those friendly humble "togetherness" moments days after the 9/11 incident.
While there may be many beliefs and lots of spirituality confusion, this is not by accident. The Enemy loves to have confusion and separation. Having extremists (bullies), whether it be a cult, social group, or religion, who wants to annihilate you because you are Jewish, Christian, or anything other than Islam/Muslim or an unbeliever is not part of God's world. That separation from God, our inner Peace, causes us to hurt and disbelieve in anything good.
And just as there is confusion, there is also Hope. Hope for all believers, regardless, to pray, to seek within their heart, and hold tight to the Power that is stronger that us all, which is God's Almighty Hand. Stand strong and smile at the bully.
As usual, I sat quietly in study hall lost in another world. It was easy to disregard the other students around me. On occasions, I would hear their whispers and giggles about my hair, shoes, or whatever else about my appearance that was comical to them. By the time I was a junior in high school, I wasn't a stranger to bullies. In fact, I had grown quiet bored of other students' disapproval and immature laughter at me. Yet the whispers did not make me invulnerable. Rejection still hurts regardless. A couple of girls questioned me and made hurtful comments about my clothes. Too embarrassed, I never shared much and always replied with smiles. Apparently this was even more comical to them. Thankfully by the end of the semester, I was able to transfer to another class. On my way out the door, one of the arrogant girls stated "Bye, Miss Smiley". I gladly smiled my biggest smile at her and went on my merry way.
As long as I can remember, I always longed for that sense of belonging with others. Regardless of how I was treated, I don't recall confronting many people, mainly out of fear, but also because I know the pain of rejection. Early on my parents taught me the spirit of love and respect for others. While this is a great asset, I was also taught to remain quiet and that your opinion isn't that important. However, now my heart has been called not to be quiet and to share my thoughts.
Lately the bully issue has been a hot topic. Most times when we think of bullying, the scenes from The Christmas Story may make us chuckle. Yet bullying still occurs long after we have left those wonder years behind. Like my junior year experience, the unseen enemy is right next to you. Maybe you are wrapped up in another world like I was in those teen years. " What bully? How can bullying possibly be in religion?" Easy.
I have been fortunate to have friends and acquaintances from diverse cultures, opinions of life, and religious denominations. What amazes me the most is that regardless of the beliefs, the common denominator is always God, Prayer, and Peace Towards Others. Did I choose these people or was it God, my Heavenly Father, who brought us together? I believe "our {re}connection could be impacting a yet bigger picture somewhere else" as my childhood best friend, Betty, stated to me in a recent email. Our reconnecting friendship just happened a few years ago through some unfortunate events.
Whatever your belief, I felt blessed and compelled to share the link below as presented by a Muslim / Christian speaker, George Chavanikamannil, who recently spoke at my church, Grace Community. His knowledge of the Koran and the "Islamic Extremists" shattered my heart. Strangely, I felt much sadness but not just because the Koran denies Christ, my Saviour, calls Jews "filthy pigs", or strives to "kill" those who deny the Koran. The sadness I felt and still feel is the separation of all mankind. As tragic as it was was, my heart is still warm from those friendly humble "togetherness" moments days after the 9/11 incident.
While there may be many beliefs and lots of spirituality confusion, this is not by accident. The Enemy loves to have confusion and separation. Having extremists (bullies), whether it be a cult, social group, or religion, who wants to annihilate you because you are Jewish, Christian, or anything other than Islam/Muslim or an unbeliever is not part of God's world. That separation from God, our inner Peace, causes us to hurt and disbelieve in anything good.
And just as there is confusion, there is also Hope. Hope for all believers, regardless, to pray, to seek within their heart, and hold tight to the Power that is stronger that us all, which is God's Almighty Hand. Stand strong and smile at the bully.
We have the choice to believe in HIM, yet God never refuses to choose us.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Trying to Catch Up
Never good enough...
I have spent the majority of my life trying to catch up with others. Here I am, weeks away from being 40, and I still find myself trying to be smart, pretty, spiritual, or just good enough. If I only I had that certain "thing" that some else seems to have. I have fought for so long to try to "catch up" and be equal to others so that I would finally feel more lovable, well liked, and accepted towards my own self.
These past "grown up" years, I have spent many hours reading co-dependency books, attending meetings, and listening to motivational speakers. I have bounced around in a few churches until I finally found a comfortable one. I even have a few great non-judgmental Christian friends who sometimes mentor and pray with me. So why do I always come back to this "less than" feeling?
We are told so many times to let go and give it to God. Turn your life over and accept Christ in your heart. Take it one day at time. Walk in faith and easy does it. Why do these answers sound so simple? Probably because in the end, it is.
For me, I could complicate working on the easiest thing like gluing two pieces of paper together. "How much glue? Glue it on the top? What about the middle? What about the bottom? Man, mine's not as good as yours!" Being the "drama" queen and emotional person that I am at times (which is OK too), I get so caught up that I miss the simplicity of it all.
Its not always easy for me just to simply to turn my problems and will over to God. For a while, I had a control issue as if I couldn't trust God. I often thought that I couldn't rely on Him as if He would let me down, as others had done. Even though my trust in God has improved, I still struggle with not wanting to "bother" Him so I'll just do it on my own. In my eyes, my problems are not as important nor as of a big concern compared to the worldly problems. I am not as worthy as everyone else. Thankfully, God doesn't see it that way.
As I was crying over this issue again today, I remembered my counselor friend helping me in the past. She had me remember the earliest time of having the same inadequate hurtful feelings. It helps to know that the majority of those less than (unworthiness) and shaming feelings derive from our childhood and can be 'fixed'. That part of me, the "wounded child", sometimes get stuck on situations of the past. By recalling those times and "feel" those shaming or unworthy feelings, , the grown up part of me can console her as if she were my own daughter. With God's help, I can get back on track in the real world. I can choose not to live there in the pain anymore and be the "grown up". I don't have to listen to the negative talk anymore. I have to reprogram those yucky thoughts of criticism which then helps the wounded me be free.
Many recovery groups have a 12 Step program for over complicators like myself. These steps are simple spiritual concepts. Regardless of what you are going through, God never leaves your side.
We don't have to live in the pain of the past. Each moment can be a new beginning and a new love towards our self.
I have spent the majority of my life trying to catch up with others. Here I am, weeks away from being 40, and I still find myself trying to be smart, pretty, spiritual, or just good enough. If I only I had that certain "thing" that some else seems to have. I have fought for so long to try to "catch up" and be equal to others so that I would finally feel more lovable, well liked, and accepted towards my own self.
These past "grown up" years, I have spent many hours reading co-dependency books, attending meetings, and listening to motivational speakers. I have bounced around in a few churches until I finally found a comfortable one. I even have a few great non-judgmental Christian friends who sometimes mentor and pray with me. So why do I always come back to this "less than" feeling?
We are told so many times to let go and give it to God. Turn your life over and accept Christ in your heart. Take it one day at time. Walk in faith and easy does it. Why do these answers sound so simple? Probably because in the end, it is.
For me, I could complicate working on the easiest thing like gluing two pieces of paper together. "How much glue? Glue it on the top? What about the middle? What about the bottom? Man, mine's not as good as yours!" Being the "drama" queen and emotional person that I am at times (which is OK too), I get so caught up that I miss the simplicity of it all.
Its not always easy for me just to simply to turn my problems and will over to God. For a while, I had a control issue as if I couldn't trust God. I often thought that I couldn't rely on Him as if He would let me down, as others had done. Even though my trust in God has improved, I still struggle with not wanting to "bother" Him so I'll just do it on my own. In my eyes, my problems are not as important nor as of a big concern compared to the worldly problems. I am not as worthy as everyone else. Thankfully, God doesn't see it that way.
As I was crying over this issue again today, I remembered my counselor friend helping me in the past. She had me remember the earliest time of having the same inadequate hurtful feelings. It helps to know that the majority of those less than (unworthiness) and shaming feelings derive from our childhood and can be 'fixed'. That part of me, the "wounded child", sometimes get stuck on situations of the past. By recalling those times and "feel" those shaming or unworthy feelings, , the grown up part of me can console her as if she were my own daughter. With God's help, I can get back on track in the real world. I can choose not to live there in the pain anymore and be the "grown up". I don't have to listen to the negative talk anymore. I have to reprogram those yucky thoughts of criticism which then helps the wounded me be free.Many recovery groups have a 12 Step program for over complicators like myself. These steps are simple spiritual concepts. Regardless of what you are going through, God never leaves your side.
We don't have to live in the pain of the past. Each moment can be a new beginning and a new love towards our self.
Be Nice to You.
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