Growth

Recently I came across a journal that I kept from 2005 to 2008. The drama, the sadness, and the depression I felt in those years were overwhelming. I fought back tears reading her sadness. My immediate reaction to reading some of the entries was, what were you thinking, girl? I wasted a lot years waiting on someone to change to my liking.  The entries brought to life a lost girl wrapped up in someone else's actions, expecting him to bring me respect, joy, and purpose, yet being powerless and fearful through it all.

Discounting my feelings from the past is easy now. Yet discounting the feelings doesn’t solve anything. It only shows how much more I have to grow. Those emotions were true and my reality back then just as my emotions are true today. Feelings are not stupid or wrong. They are real and make us human.

Back then I enjoyed journaling and had plenty of time for it. My journal became my best friend. What's wonderful is that journaling our thoughts and feelings can be like a window to our past. We can look back and relive situations. Does the past make us smile or frown? Have we grown and moved on, or are we still stuck in that stale pond on some issues?

Change is not my favorite thing. I want my life to be consistent and stable. But if we want to improve our life, we have to make changes. Sometimes the change is forced upon us. Other times we take those first shaky baby steps of faith. Either way, we have to move forward. New things can be scary. Yet we can place trust in God that whatever change is made, He will be walking with us all along.

I can’t change what or who affected me in my past. But I can forgive myself and the past. Letting go helps me to see that God was molding me for the future. I am praying one day I can look back on journal entries and feel more love and acceptance that God has always had for me.

Accept your past and move forward.

KY Pride

The older I get the stronger my Pride seems to grow. As a teenager, I would have never imagined how proud I would be of my roots. Coming from a rural and down-to-earth area like Eastern KY, as well as growing up poor, has been a positive aspect in my life. That aspect is more than I ever dreamed it would be.

As most us of "hillbillies" seem to be, we know no stranger. We have empathy for our neighbors, family, friends, and even our rivals. We gladly and sometimes blindly help out someone in need. We can be loyal, strong, and stubborn as a mule especially when we have to get down to doing the "nitty gritty" work. We appreciate our jobs because we know a job is hard to come by. We appreciate our family for they are the heartbeat of our lives. Some of us are liable to say anything cause we are not imitators.  We appreciate a mess of soup beans, cornbread, and fried tators. Where else can you see that on a menu in a restaurant but in Eastern KY? :-)

The recent win of the UK Wildcats NCAA Championship brought even more pride to me and my fellow Kentuckians. Supporting our boys in Blue is something we do! Besides, we don't have a lot of choices and they always do us proud.
 

We all are on the Human Race team!

Sure...there are negative aspects about KY and its Appalachian people that the nation would gladly ponder and poke fun of. However, we must not be discouraged by the negativity.  We must not let the bad apples in our crowd ruin the rest of the batch.

Life can look pretty discouraging from the outside.  But if we have pride and hope for a future for ourselves, there isn't an obstacle we cannot overcome. People may rob us of our joy and try to steal what little hope we have. Yet it is in those times when we gotta lift up our head, dig in our heels, and keep running towards the future, regardless. Don't go down without a Fight! We can fight back for our area and its people. We can fight for positive changes for our children and their future.

As I am learning in my Social Psychology class, pride exists in every culture and social group. We each feel a sense of "togetherness" in our culture and/or group. Every race, religion, culture, gender, every diversity shares in this togetherness, a sense of "we" and acceptance. 

We may each have our differences but one thing remains certain...we are all on the Human Race Team.  All of us are born yearning for togetherness and love.  Without these things, there is little chance for survival of a peaceful life.  What's even more certain is that none of us get a waiver for death. Regardless of your race, culture, status, religion, finances, WE all get to cross that bridge between life and death.

Respect your teammates and shout for Victory!  We will not be alone we cross that bridge, our coach will be there to guide us to the final Finish Line.

May God Bless you with the Love and Acceptance of who You are.

Superhero Daddy

I came across a plaque the other day that read, “Anyone can be a Father, but it takes a special person to be a Daddy”.  I began to wonder, do most kids think their dad is a superhero?

For us daughters, our dad IS our Superhero. He seems to be able to do anything. He works hard, seems so smart, rarely gets sick, and is a charmer to everyone he meets. His smile and laughter can light up the room while making your heart jump with glee at times. 

Our dad is the first man in our life who showed us his silly side and comforted us when we were scared. He gets us moving when we don’t feel like going on. If something’s broken, he can fix it. If you need money, he always seems to have some. If you have a question, he will search out the answers. He can be a navigator when we seem lost. He can be a storyteller, a cook, and even a counselor. He might not say a word but just knowing he’s there can help us feel comforted and safe.

He may not be perfect but that’s ok. His brilliant love seems to overshadow all the mistakes he has ever made. He’s our father, more than that, he’s our Daddy.


Ted with his daughters, Nikki and Shannon.
We love and miss you dearly, Cowboy! :-(



Recently, a dear friend to my family and I, Ted O’Daniel, passed away after battling a courageous fight with throat cancer. We comforted the family the best we knew how in the days leading up to his death. Regardless of how long we have been “expecting” the end, the passing is never easy.

I tried to stay strong during the memorial service until I hugged his daughters, Shannon and Nikki. Flashes of losing my own dad flooded my heart. I know their pain all too well. Even though we all go through our own “experiences”, we cannot prepare someone or feel the same pain that they are going through. Yet we can hold their hand and let them know that they are not alone in this journey.

Ted was indeed a charmer. Always smiling, he was a regular prankster with my uncles, John and Dwayne. They were indeed his BFF’s. I can’t imagine not seeing him with them nor can IHOP. They were regular flirts during their many “coffee meetings” there. He could tell a joke without cracking a smile and I would take him literally. LOL

Many of Ted’s attributes reminded me of my own dad, strong-willed, risk taker, and a hard worker. His positive outlook on life helped him in battling cancer. His daughters meant the world to him. I envied their closeness which made me wish I had lived nearer to my dad. Yet he was nearby the evening I found out my dad was pretty sick and had comforting words to share.

Life seems odd when someone passes. No longer can we just call them up to say hello. The sound of their voice slowly fades but the memories seem to get stronger. Their absent is inevitable during the holidays.

What has comforted me is in the knowing that they are not truly “gone”. Although we can’t see them physically, we can feel their presence and their spirit when we relive their smile and laughter. What’s even more assuring is that they will always be there to guide and comfort us when we need them the most.

Daddy is no longer with my physically now. But he has gone ahead of me to be that shinning light when the time comes for me to cross over. He now has truly has become my Superhero, only with wings instead of a cape.

Ted’s motto: We can CHOOSE to have a good day or a bad day.