Satellite Dish

In the early 80's, satellite dishes were the coolest thing in Breathitt County.  Everyone seemed to have one, except for my family.  We were stuck watching a snowy PBS channel for the longest time since that was the only channel we got.  My favorite shows were Mr. Rogers Neighborhood (yes, sadly), Reading Rainbow, and Mystery Theatre because Vincent Price was the host.  I also Loved the movie "Anne of Green Gables".  I related so well with Anne walking home from school.

My parents had tried to order a satellite dish before.  However, the company would not install it because we were too "far out" in the holler.  They said we would never get a signal.  We were so disappointed.  Everyone in the hollers of Breathitt County could get a signal but not us?? It didn't seem fair.

Then, low and behold, in the summer of 1985, we finally got our satellite dish!! A new company came to Jackson and they were eager for our business. I jumped for joy the day it was delivered. Finally we could watch TV like normal people.

Our satellite was "cooler" than most. :-) Unlike the normal boring, white fiberglass satellite dishes, ours was black with mesh netting. We also got a remote box since they had to place the satellite dish high upon the hillside.  Most people had to go outside to crank the dish manually.  Daddy cut many trees and made a clearing for our new family member, "Satellite", to sit.  When my mom switched satellites on the remote box, I remember running outside to see if I could see the satellite dish move.

Suddenly, life was good.  Mommy watched TV all day long.  Daddy always had her searching for a Western channel or a western show somewhere out there on one of those satellites.  My mom was the Queen of the remote! She knew every channel on every satellite, from "G4" to "S1", there were so many to choose from.  I don't think she even let me touch the remote or change channels for the longest time. My job was to make homemade popcorn every night.  That's right...homemade popcorn - popcorn made in a pot, not a microwave, with lots of lard and butter!!!  Besides, we never owned a microwave. My parents didn't even get one until around 1999.

About 6 months into having our satellite dish, we started noticing that there were less and less clear channels.  Most of them had been scrambled by the networks.  There were lots of hoopla over satellite dishes, most of which I never understood at the time.  Turns out the networks were losing lots of money because people with satellite dishes were "stealing".   We didn't know it was "stealing".  We were just so happy to get to watch more channels on our TV. 

Soon the satellite era was disappearing.  By the time I went off to college, there were very few unscrambled channels left on the satellite dish.  My parents debated about keeping the satellite when they moved into the log cabin.  There was gossip and other tricks to get you to buy the infamous "black box" that would descramble the channels.  Some people bought into it just to find out later that the channels would end up scrambling all over again.  My parents never went for the black box. They instead was able to get a cable box and a subscription provided by some of the satellite and network companies.

I think about those scrambled channels when I am stressing or get bad news.  My mind tends to drift.  I panic.  Like those scrambled channels, I can't seem to focus.  With all the stress in our nation and in mine and my family and friends' lives, I realize that many things are beyond mine or anyone else's control.  From health issues, finances, and the state of our nation, there is only one solution - to let go.  Once I pray and surrender the stresses to God, my mind is no longer scrambled. He gets me back on track.  I focus and can see clearly again.

My mom now has two satellite dishes, Dish Network and Hughes Net for the Internet. She is still Queen of the remote and could never go without her TV. I am still not allowed to touch her remote! Strangely, with over 300 channels, she only watches one, Turner Classic Movies (TCM).   She told me recently that she hopes God has TV in Heaven. I imagine He may, without scrambled channels or a subscription you have to pay for. Besides, Jesus already paid the price for it.

God is the DeScrambler of our Lives.

Forever Friends

This summer has not been the best for me.  Not being able to exercise or run because of some health issues has put a damper on my mood and my motivation to write. I am not discounting my blessings though. Life is too short to give up.  Being grateful for every comfort and discomfort seems to be the best way to deal with the struggles.

Having friends is also important.  Some of my friends have bigger health and financial hiccups than me.  Their strength really inspires me. Having their friendship and support during this time also strongly reminds me of my closest buds from my childhood past, Alonzo and David.  God seems to place the right people at the right time in our lives.

The other morning I literally woke up in tears.  I was disappointed to be back in the real world instead of being in the sweet carefree dream where I was young again. I was immediately reminded of those happy years I had spent before turning 16.  I'm still baffled by the dream of David Noble, whom I haven't thought about in ages!  Since then I have been searching for some closure regarding him.  Just as I did with my dad, the best way I know how is by sharing some of our happy memories. 


Alonzo, David, and I hanging at my house

for our family picnic. My little cousins, Dawn,

Gobel, and Jimmy.


I never was a social butterfly growing up.  Having no siblings and being a loner made it easy to escape in my own little world. Making friends at school was difficult. There were few people outside my family that I trusted.  I was so blessed to have the closeness of my cousin Alonzo, who seemed to understand my struggles the most.

I was in 6th grade at Caney when I first met David.  I was startled when this friendly little kid with big brown eyes and brownish blonde hair started talking to me. He seemed rather small for his age. He didn't ignore me or act like I had the plague like everyone else had done. He simply said hello and asked my name as we walked downstairs. I found this odd. How could he not know that I was the germ of the school?

When I had to advance to the intermediate school, SMS, I was happy to leave the 6th grade struggles of Caney behind but I also had to leave the security of having Alonzo around. I managed to make a few friends but nothing would compare to the years to come. I was so relieved when Alonzo attended SMS the following year. By then, he and David had become friends.

When Alonzo and David arrived at SMS, things quickly changed for me. I no longer sat alone on the bus rides home.  Besides, both of them enjoyed annoying me until I talked. I remained quiet at first because I did not like sharing the attention. Eventually David grew on me. 



David in 7th Grade

Our bus rides soon became a blast. I couldn't wait to be on the bus! For the first time in my life, a boy was being my friend, supporting me, and not making fun of me.  Ok, well, I was the butt of many of his and Alonzo's jokes and pranks, but I always returned the favor.  We all three had had our share of difficulties and disappointments. It felt great to have someone you could trust, someone to make you laugh, smile, and who actually listened to you.  Odd as it seemed, I finally felt like I belonged in a group with Alonzo and David. They became my best friends.  Our talks and laughter seemed to never end.

Paddle Boats at Natural Bridge.

Goofball David wet his hair in the swampy water!

David was a regular at Pastor Eldon Miller's church, the Buckhorn Mennonite Church. We met up there many times for a chance to hang out more.  Our giggles and whispering in church probably didn't go unnoticed by others. Pastor Eldon had made a big impact on David's life.  There wasn’t anyone David wouldn’t help if he could. He rarely said no to anyone. He wanted to be friends with everyone. He was sweet, nice, and handsome which also made him popular with the girls. I felt honored to be one his closest friends.

Those years with David gave Alonzo and me a positive escape away from the holler. It was nice being able to finally hang out like normal teenagers, to make good memories, and to be away from our parents!!  I have so many wonderful memories of those years....too many to share on a blog! I'm grateful God blessed me with friends who understood and accepted me just for me just as I accepted them for just who they were.

There were so many things I left unsaid to David. My immaturity and awkwardness kept me from sharing them with him.  I saw him one last time before I moved to Houston.  He looked so happy.  We had a chance to giggle and whisper in church one last time.  One of the important things I wish I could have said would have been "Thank You".  Thank you for being my hero and support during those years. Thank you for listening when it felt like no one else did.  Thank you for bringing me laughter when I wanted to cry.  Most of all, thanks for the memories and for being my best friend.  Regardless of the struggles, differences, and separation, I am forever grateful to both David and Alonzo. I really miss those years but I will forever love you both and be your BFF forever and always.

Good Friends are Never Forgotten.

1st of the Month

Anyone who relies on government aid for money knows the joy of seeing that check at the beginning of the month. Back in the 90's, there was a song by Bones, Thugs, and Harmony called the 1st of the Month.  I loved that song.  I felt like the rest of the world finally knew what it meant to be poor. Growing up, my parents only got about $200 in food stamps. I don't see how they managed but we always had food on the table, a roof over our head, and the electric bill got paid.

Being in my hometown on the 1st was crazy! There were never that many people in town except on the 1st or at the Honey Festival. I never realized that many people even lived in Breathitt County. Rarely did I get to go inside a bank, other than at the beginning of the month. I thought only "rich" people went in there after the 1st. The lines at the bank and the stores would be super long. The two or three little traffic lights in Jackson seem to take forever with all the cars lined up.

Of course, life was good on our July 4th celebrations! After all, everyone had just gotten their food stamps and disability checks. One year my parents managed to buy a cheap little grill from Malonies which was small discount store much like Kmart or Wal-Mart. We couldn't afford much to go on that grill but the smell of the charcoal burning made me enjoy whatever was cooked. Naturally we always got firecrackers and sparklers to light.

Sometimes we celebrated the 4th with my grandparents. They usually brought the good stuff to grill -- steak, hamburgers, and hot dogs. Grandpa loved his steak nearly raw! I was lucky to even get to taste a bit of steak. There would be fresh stuff from our garden to go along with the fancy meat. Grandma's favorite salad was fresh lettuce, green onions, tomatoes, and bacon grease. Mommy would make awesome deviled eggs and we had watermelon for desert. Somehow watermelon just doesn't taste as good as it did back then. Later we would roast marshmallows on what was left of the burning charcoal in the grill. I would try to write my name in the dark sky with the sparklers. My Uncle Wayne would scare all the dogs with the firecrackers. So many times I remember sitting in the dark on that front porch listening to my Grandma's sweet voice telling me of her childhood stories. She and my Uncle Wayne always made me laugh so much. Those were the good sweet memories. None of which can be taken from me.

Unfortunately, there was no 4th without my dad and Grandpa getting a little toasted. Regardless of the little money we had, the two managed to get drunk somehow. Our July 4th celebrations would start off from a small quarrel and progress to giant fight. Regardless of how many times these things happened at the holidays, my family and I would be surprised as if we didn't expect them to get as drunk "this" time. Some fights were not so bad but some were scary.

Daddy normally was a quiet easy going person until he had drunk about a case of beer. Then his anger would come out. He would be ready to shoot or beat up anyone who made him mad. There was always drama when alcohol got involved with my family. Our family get togethers would be going great one minute and the next there would be tension, fights, and the fear if someone was going to get seriously hurt.  I suppose this is why I have this impending fear of losing the good feelings and the good things around me at times.

My hardships have taught me to be grateful for everything in my life. I have learned that nothing lasts forever. Money, jobs, people, and material things – these things are all temporary. There is more to life than getting a quick fix of happiness. People disappoint you, jobs end, and something new will come along.  Seeking the source of true happiness within me is an ongoing challenge.  Its accepting just what God intends to have for my life and giving Him all the Praise.

No one has a perfect childhood. No family is perfect. Yet I am so grateful for the memories, the lessons, and every challenge that God has placed in front of me. My race has just begun.

I can’t change the past or the bad memories but I can choose how I deal with it today. I choose to forgive and not be resentful when things don’t go my way. I relish in the sweet memories of my past. I focus on the positive and hope in a better future.

At times, things may look bleak in our country.  But we can focus on the positive. We can make positive changes and sweet memories for our own family. It's not about how much money we have, where we go on vacation, or what material things we may have.  Spending moments, making good memories, and cherishing our values is vital.

WE still have choice and a voice in our country. All is not lost.  God IS and will always be in control of our World.

God Bless America and Her People!!!!