A Haven of Hope

Helpless and shocked. Those were the only words to describe what I felt when seeing the devastation in West Liberty, KY.  While I was relieved that my family, friends, and my hometown were sparred from the tornado's raging path, the sorrow and powerlessness is still there.  

So many times we hear of towns and families being ripped apart by the violent tornadoes.  Yet our hearts aren't as touched until devastation really hits close to home.  Until we have experienced similar losses, it can be hard to connect to someone going through a tragedy. There are no magic words to say to someone who's lost a child, a home, or who's been given a death sentence. It's in those moments where saying "Sorry" seems so shallow.  Words just don't seem to be enough. 

 

The night the tornadoes hit KY, I was visiting a friend who's been fighting throat cancer for past few years. He's now at home in hospice care.  He was having a good day, alert and in good spirits with his daughters nearby.  We joked around, pretending that things were normal, but there's a sting in our hearts knowing his days are now numbered.  The visit reminded me so much of the last days I spent with my dad.  I had a tinge of hope back then that my dad would walk out of the hospice care with a miracle from God.  Like being in the middle of a tornado, we are surviving each passing moment, holding on to what's dear to us.  I clung on and cherished every second with my dad just as my friend's daughter is now doing.  She questioned my experience with my dad's last days, as the heartbreaking memories flooded my mind.  What comfort could I bring her when the pain still lingers there?

Getting on with life after my dad's passing has been the hardest part.  Feeling the emptiness from what once was or imagining what could have been only prolongs the pain.  Yet somehow we struggle through to where we accept the loss and take a step forward.

As I sifted through those pictures of the ruins of West Liberty on the East KY Media site, one stood out the most, a sign that read "A Haven of Hope".  After all the destruction, where the monster storm threw around trucks like matchboxes, crushed brick buildings, and wrapped metal around trees like ribbons, a symbol of God's mercy remained.  Regardless of where or how the sign came to be, its message of Hope is what this town needs.

Sometimes we can't imagine life after a heartbreak but life does continue.  I have heard and sang that "Amazing Grace" song so many times without reflecting on the words.  Still when I hear the song, my heart is brought back to my Appalachian roots. Suddenly I am comforted and reminded of a safe place.  We may be broken down, have lost our way, living with struggles of pain, but God provides us with the grace and protection we need.  It is through our destruction and heartbreak that our eyes are opened.  God can't heal or build something new without first tearing down the old.  It is in this destruction that we can hope for the positive changes to come into our lives.  Oddly, destruction can bring us together as we reach out to others.  We have lost a sense of control and are at the mercy of God.  Our losses causes us to trust in God, our haven of hope.

 West Liberty - A Haven of Hope

 

May God bless West Liberty and the other places that were affected by this tragedy. Today is a new day to be grateful for our past and our future.

Ways to help:

• Salvation Army

• Red Cross

• Christian Appalachian Project

• Donations (KSP)

God will provide all your Needs.

Afraid of the Dark

We feel what we Believe.

A lot of kids are afraid of the dark but they usually grow out. However, my mom never really did. Today she still sleeps with a night light or a lamp glowing. Sorry Mom! :)  Growing up, I, too was afraid of the dark.  Fortunately I could place the blame on my mom for leaving the kitchen light or lamp on all night.

I got my own room one summer for awhile when we moved to the old schoolhouse. There was a "backroom" attached to the back of the schoolhouse.  It had been used as the lunchroom when the school was first built. I was happy to have a room of my own.

There are no "street lights" in a holler.  Only outside porch lights or a "pole light" supplied by the electric company provides a little light at night in a pitch black holler.  There was a small window in my "new" bedroom.  At night I would open the curtains for a little light to shine in.  I felt less afraid that way.

One night I couldn't sleep and lay restless in my bed staring up at the window.  After moments of staring, the curtains began to close in on their own -- much to my surprise.  I quickly closed my eyes and opened them. Unlike before, the curtains remained opened as they had been.  As I continued to gaze, they appeared to be closing again.  This went on for a little while even with me inspecting the curtains.  A few times the curtains seemed nearly closed all together.  Each time I would get scared and hide under the covers or close my eyes. When I opened them, they would seem fine again. It took me awhile before I realized that my eyes were deceiving me. The curtains weren't closing at all but it was my perception in the dark that made them appear that way.  If we stare at something for so long and become so focused, we lose sight of the things around us.

I have been living my life the same way as staring at those curtains.  I become so focused, worried, and lose sight of the truth of who I am. I lose confidence in me.  I tend to believe the lies and deceit that has been built up from my past.

Those negative feelings of shame, worthlessness, imperfection, alone, doubts, worry, the list could go on and on, are just lies about who we are.  These lies are so convincing that many times they are the only truth we know.  Sadly, they keep us in bondage.  By believing or focusing are these negative feelings, we can never really live a peaceful life.

We focus on the lies of deception because it's easier that way.  We think " Its always been that way."  We know what to expect, how to react, and fear trust or change. Sometimes we don't know how to even begin to change.

Believing and accepting ourselves can be hard. We have been brainwashed for so long that we now have to "re-program" our thinking.  This may mean re-experiencing the pain, trauma, and negative emotions that told us the lie about ourselves to begin with.  We re-experience the memories so that we can let go of the lies about ourselves. Re-experiencing trauma or painful emotions can be traumatic and should be done with a trusted source (counselor, sponsor, pastor, therapist, and/or and friend, etc.)

 Letting go of all that you thought "was the truth" can be a new scary experience as well. Who will I become? Will God "really" be there fore Me? Reprogramming and letting go of hurts takes time.  It is a slow process but awareness is the key. 

With help, I am hoping to stop staring at those dark curtains (lies) and believe in my abilities.  May you find the truth in yourself and allow God to bring you the peace you deserve.

Fear is not of God

I Found Me just got a Fancy Upgrade!!!

Howdy Friends!!!

It's the two-year anniversary of my book, I Found Me Appalachian Stories of a Lost Hillbilly Girl.  I am happy to announce it is now available for iTunes and the Barnes & Nobles Nook.

Download my book for only $9.99 for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch:

• iTunes (iPhone, iPad, iTouch)

Not a fan of those fancy Apple products?? Really? You can also purchase it at the same low price for the Barnes & Nobles Nook:

• Barnes & Noble (Nook)

If you have a Kindle or a different reader, a format for those are also available at Amazon or Lulu:

• Amazon (Kindle)
• Lulu (Other Readers)
• Lulu (PDF)

Of course, I will always be happy to mail you an autograph copy for a low price as well.  Contact me at cgailfugate@gmail.com.

By the way, don't forget to leave a customer response wherever you purchase my book,  I Found Me Appalachian Stories of a Lost Hillbilly Girl. 

I hope you enjoy reading my hillbilly stories of growing up in the hills of Eastern KY. I am looking forward to writing more stories.

Thanks for your Support. May you be Blessed!! :)