A Time to be Thankful - Day 15 Senior Citizens

In 1984 my Great Aunt Laura suffered a stroke.  For the longest time my mom and I would go visit her every Saturday in the nursing home.  Being in a nursing home around old people was very boring to a 14 year old.  I dreaded the days when I had to babysit her.  She never talked to me much and she whined a lot.  The needy old people scared me and I hated the smell.

Since Aunt Laura had never been away from her home on Fugate's Fork, she had a lot of anxiety.  Her new life was now in a new strange place with strange people. Being secluded in Fugate's Fork, she was never really around running water, TV, or the sounds of the hustle and bustle of city life.  No wonder she had such a huge fear of being in the nursing home.  

A few years later she came home.  The Home health nurses came in to assist her but she never really liked them.  She never was able to walk again because of the stroke. But I believe it is because she fell into a deep depression and gave up.  She never had anyone to love or encourage her the way her big brother, George had done.  He passed away while she was in the nursing home as well as did her motivation to live.  Her husband wasn't the best either.  He would not allow her to go to her brother's funeral.  

My Uncle Jr, Great Aunt Laura, & Great Uncle George

The last time I saw my Great Aunt Laura was before I moved to Houston.  I stopped in to hug her goodbye.  Like always, she shed a few tears when I was fixing to leave.  I was looking forward to my life in Houston that I never could imagine the depression and loneliness she suffered. Her life and death always saddens me for it represents how depression can kill. No one should have to fight the battle of depression alone.

Years later when I worked with senior citizens at Bayshore, I was thankful for all those years of visiting my Great Aunt Laura in the nursing home. Little did they know that I could relate to their childhood years of not having inside plumbing, shoes, and thankful for hand-me-down clothes.  Some even had a better childhood than I did.  Some were willing to listen to my own childhood stories while others assumed I was some youngster with an attitude.

Everyone has a story to tell.  Young and old.  We all have our own experiences.  We just have to take time to listen.  Many do not listen to the senior citizens.  Like those who judged me as a youngster, we too sometimes do the same. We imagine they are old, grouchy, and set in their ways.  I find it strange that so many cultures appreciate the older generations while America kind of throws them to the side.

We all will grow old and want to share our experiences with others.  How many will listen? What can the older generation tells us that we don't already know? Their simple life wasn't so simple.  They have a voice.  Their stories and experiences can teach us a lesson.  I believe our senior citizens are the answer to many of our problems today.  

Be grateful if you have your Grandparents.  Be willing to listen to them share their secrets.  Adopt a Senior this Christmas! I believe you will get a lesson out of it more than they will. 

Afraid of the Dark

We feel what we Believe.

A lot of kids are afraid of the dark but they usually grow out. However, my mom never really did. Today she still sleeps with a night light or a lamp glowing. Sorry Mom! :)  Growing up, I, too was afraid of the dark.  Fortunately I could place the blame on my mom for leaving the kitchen light or lamp on all night.

I got my own room one summer for awhile when we moved to the old schoolhouse. There was a "backroom" attached to the back of the schoolhouse.  It had been used as the lunchroom when the school was first built. I was happy to have a room of my own.

There are no "street lights" in a holler.  Only outside porch lights or a "pole light" supplied by the electric company provides a little light at night in a pitch black holler.  There was a small window in my "new" bedroom.  At night I would open the curtains for a little light to shine in.  I felt less afraid that way.

One night I couldn't sleep and lay restless in my bed staring up at the window.  After moments of staring, the curtains began to close in on their own -- much to my surprise.  I quickly closed my eyes and opened them. Unlike before, the curtains remained opened as they had been.  As I continued to gaze, they appeared to be closing again.  This went on for a little while even with me inspecting the curtains.  A few times the curtains seemed nearly closed all together.  Each time I would get scared and hide under the covers or close my eyes. When I opened them, they would seem fine again. It took me awhile before I realized that my eyes were deceiving me. The curtains weren't closing at all but it was my perception in the dark that made them appear that way.  If we stare at something for so long and become so focused, we lose sight of the things around us.

I have been living my life the same way as staring at those curtains.  I become so focused, worried, and lose sight of the truth of who I am. I lose confidence in me.  I tend to believe the lies and deceit that has been built up from my past.

Those negative feelings of shame, worthlessness, imperfection, alone, doubts, worry, the list could go on and on, are just lies about who we are.  These lies are so convincing that many times they are the only truth we know.  Sadly, they keep us in bondage.  By believing or focusing are these negative feelings, we can never really live a peaceful life.

We focus on the lies of deception because it's easier that way.  We think " Its always been that way."  We know what to expect, how to react, and fear trust or change. Sometimes we don't know how to even begin to change.

Believing and accepting ourselves can be hard. We have been brainwashed for so long that we now have to "re-program" our thinking.  This may mean re-experiencing the pain, trauma, and negative emotions that told us the lie about ourselves to begin with.  We re-experience the memories so that we can let go of the lies about ourselves. Re-experiencing trauma or painful emotions can be traumatic and should be done with a trusted source (counselor, sponsor, pastor, therapist, and/or and friend, etc.)

 Letting go of all that you thought "was the truth" can be a new scary experience as well. Who will I become? Will God "really" be there fore Me? Reprogramming and letting go of hurts takes time.  It is a slow process but awareness is the key. 

With help, I am hoping to stop staring at those dark curtains (lies) and believe in my abilities.  May you find the truth in yourself and allow God to bring you the peace you deserve.

Fear is not of God

Spinning Out of Control

There they lay, taunting almost giggling at me, were my keys, shinning from the evening sun, in the locked Durango.  What was even more painful yet almost humorous were the backup keys were also locked in there.  Out of control? Uh....just a little!  What I did have control over were my emotions {almost}.  I was visiting with some new Christian friends, so my reaction to my locked up keys was much calmer than had I been alone in a parking lot somewhere. Stay calm, think, and pray for guidance. Most often these are not the steps I usually take.  I react with fear, anxiety, and panic.  On a positive note I was able to call a locksmith, which took him an easy 5 seconds total to break into my car and retrieve the keys.  Unfortunately my locked key incident cost me $70 and a little embarrassment in front of my new friends.

Back in October my doctor started slowly removing me from anti-depressants.  Although there has been an improvement with my weight loss, I find my self drifting back into that emotional roller coaster at times, like putting on old shoes that really don’t fit or feel comfortable anymore. For me, the smallest failure or let down suddenly can become a major drama attack within my own head. The sudden lapse of thinking clearly causes the tears to flow, objects to fly, and a negative attack against my own self.

Like most health problems, depression is not an easy battle. Being out of control of your own emotions can be scarier than having locked keys in the car. Yet just as with anything else that we don’t have control over, we have to seek support and help. This means simply letting go of:

• Self-pride and seeing our limits
• Shame and admitting we are powerless
• Guilt and accepting defeat

Admitting we are powerless is the first step in the 12 step programs and the root of prayer.

Accepting that things our beyond control but knowing that God can help is similar to retrieving the keys out of the locked car. The peace comes from knowing that there is no problem greater than God.  From health problems, job loss, divorce, marriage, having children, traffic jams, and even small issues with locked keys, God has control of all the issues.  Even if God’s time clock is not on our worldly time, He is always right on Time.  When we relax, accept that He’s in control and stop controlling the situation, He will guide us to the next step that needs to be taken.  We don’t have to be perfect or do things perfectly, just be….!

God is more than the Locksmith. He is the Key to our peace within.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

 --Reinhold Niebuhr