When you are younger, you have great dreams and aspirations for your life. I remember having countless fights with my mom about having "sensible" goals. I debated about being a dancer, actress, writer, computer programmer, business woman, wife, and mom. Um...yeah...not many of those goals have really worked out for me. Somehow in my 20's and 30's, I got sidetracked from working two jobs to make ends meet as well as feeling stuck in an immature relationship. I had no time to accomplish life goals. I was too busy worrying about pleasing others and a small fear of growing up emotionally.
How many of us wake up one day as if our life had been a bad night of partying or a bad dream? Suddenly we realize that life seems to have passed us by, while others look like they got a 1st class ticket on the Train to Life. They seem to have it all together - the house, car, career, family....etc. Too many times I look at my past mistakes and start to feel stranded at that train station. How did I get stuck here so fast? I was so sure I had more time.
I find that I am my worst critic. I try to look strong on the outside while beating myself up on the inside. Instead of seeing the positive accomplishments I have made, I tend to glare at those unfinished goals. Unfortunately, so many of them I don't have much power over. Then I get even angrier knowing that I don't have that control to just fix what's broken.
Those times when I can’t fix my health, people, or other situations in my life makes me realize how powerless I truly am. My biggest example of powerlessness was when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of 2008. I was convinced that it wasn't true and the doctors were wrong. Even though deep down I knew that only God could change things, I still thought I had some power over my dad’s health.
It is in these times where I have no choice but to surrender, something I don’t enjoy. I usually come to this place kicking, screaming, and sometimes throwing things before I finally do surrender. My biggest battle is within – not wanting to ask for help because I can’t trust that the help will even be there.
Yet, the minute I let go and stop fighting is when the peace finally comes. In that minute, I am able to forgive myself and others for any disappointments. I hold on and trust in God to help me. In that moment I am able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that He’s in Control and will bring the changes I need. I may not see the changes right away, if ever. Yet I have that moment of peace when I allow Him to drive the Train to Life.
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life, I will satisfy them and show them my salvation. Psalms 91:14-16.
How many of us wake up one day as if our life had been a bad night of partying or a bad dream? Suddenly we realize that life seems to have passed us by, while others look like they got a 1st class ticket on the Train to Life. They seem to have it all together - the house, car, career, family....etc. Too many times I look at my past mistakes and start to feel stranded at that train station. How did I get stuck here so fast? I was so sure I had more time.
I find that I am my worst critic. I try to look strong on the outside while beating myself up on the inside. Instead of seeing the positive accomplishments I have made, I tend to glare at those unfinished goals. Unfortunately, so many of them I don't have much power over. Then I get even angrier knowing that I don't have that control to just fix what's broken.
Those times when I can’t fix my health, people, or other situations in my life makes me realize how powerless I truly am. My biggest example of powerlessness was when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of 2008. I was convinced that it wasn't true and the doctors were wrong. Even though deep down I knew that only God could change things, I still thought I had some power over my dad’s health.
It is in these times where I have no choice but to surrender, something I don’t enjoy. I usually come to this place kicking, screaming, and sometimes throwing things before I finally do surrender. My biggest battle is within – not wanting to ask for help because I can’t trust that the help will even be there.
Yet, the minute I let go and stop fighting is when the peace finally comes. In that minute, I am able to forgive myself and others for any disappointments. I hold on and trust in God to help me. In that moment I am able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that He’s in Control and will bring the changes I need. I may not see the changes right away, if ever. Yet I have that moment of peace when I allow Him to drive the Train to Life.
There is no shame or defeat in surrendering to God, only Freedom.
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life, I will satisfy them and show them my salvation. Psalms 91:14-16.
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