Determined to be Positive by Giving Back

I have a close friend who has been enduring breast cancer for the last year.  I’ve seen her strength from within as she struggles with a new body image and the side effects of the chemo treatment pills.  The chemo pills can be like an evil friend.  They are the magic beans that help her body fight off the cancer cells but they also drag her down.  Every day she tolerates the sickness from the chemo.  What amazes me more is that the breast cancer is just another battle to her as she has fought many in her lifetime.  I often wonder where her strength comes from and how she maintains the fight.  Much of her strength comes from knowing that God provides her with the courage to keep going. The other half is just pure stubbornness and determination. I wish I had even a 3rd of her strength and courage.

After seeing the devastion of Japan's tsunami and being reminded constantly of our country's downward spiral, I find myself easliy drawn to the depression and anxiety like a magnet.  Just like the blackness from the tsumani enveloping Japan, so too, the depression creeps up on me like a monster, destroying everything in its path.

Regardless of who you are, battles in life are never ending.  Natural diasters like the tsunami and battles with health like cancer don't discriminate.  Jobs are lost and our loved ones pass on.  In an instant, lives can be changed and we are reminded that we are powerless.

During these trying times, I lean even more towards that Heavenly Power, remembering that He is still in control. Even though some days seem a bit trying, I can still have Hope knowing tough times do not last forever.  God still is and remains in Control even when our world seems out of control.

When I see what my friend is enduring, I can draw from her strength.  Being around positive and strong willed people influences me.   They brighten my mood and encourage hope.  I remind myself that anything is possible if it's God's will.  I continue to lean on that understanding and search out encouraging forces.

Not long ago, one of my friends shared with me about her aggravation at a McDonald's drive-thru.  The customer ahead of her was taking forever!  She and her daughter was growing angry and inpatient.  Finally their turn came and the cashier explained that her order was free.  The person ahead of her had just paid for their breakfast! Small things like that impact lives, our children, and reminds me how giving can be like a domino effect.  Regardless of whats going on, kindness and giving back brings hope back into our lives and others. It causes positive changes.

Through the struggles, I continue to remind myself of the blessings I do have. I enjoy giving back all that I can. Spending time with people, volunteering, and praying for a total stranger can make a huge difference in your mood. Like my friend, we have to be determined and stubborn to stay positive in a selfish world. We can make a difference in other people's lives.

Ways to Help:

• Volunteer or visit those in nursing homes and hospitals
• Buy a strangers lunch
• Help a neighbor
• American Red Cross
• ASPCA
• National Breast Cancer Foundation
• United Way

* May your World be brighter within regardless of your surroundings & situation. *

Weighing In by Liz Curtis Higgs

My friend Kirsten sent me this interesting article from Liz. This is something all of us women can relate to - weighing in on our appearance.  I look forward to reading more of Liz's books.

Weighing In

It's important to remember than God accepts us just as we are.  Seeking His Guidance for our lives should be more important that any diet or rules from society.  We are not conformed by what society tells us who we are but by who God Says we are.



http://www.lizcurtishiggs.com/

Liz Curtis Higgs Facebook Page

What's in Your Head? (Revised)

{Revised for Article}

I have never been that great at math.  I suppose I just didn’t “get” it.  Fortunately, my dad, who couldn’t read, was a math wiz.  My fondest educational memory was my 5th grade year when he sat down and drilled me on my multiplication.   He drew a multiplication table from my 1’s to my 12’s.  I memorized them all. My parents then bought me a “Mr. Professor” calculator for Christmas.  At first I was thrilled to have a calculator until I realized that Mr. Professor wasn’t a calculator at all but filled with math problem games.  In any case, these tools helped me do well in math for awhile.

I remember feeling so proud and excited the day I passed a math multiplication test.  However, some of my classmates and the teacher were aware that I didn’t do well in math.  One girl even accused me of cheating from her test and told the teacher.  Even though I knew the truth, I couldn’t convince her or the teacher that my dad had helped me.  I felt as if they wanted me to continue to fail.  Eventually my math skills started falling once again as their negativity towards me got “inside” my head.

I've been meaning to write this article for awhile now but just like that incident, the negative thinking gets the better of me.  With the negativity “inside” my head, I can’t accomplish much of what I really want to do.  Those phrases like, "Who cares what you have to say?" or "You're really not that good." seem to hold me back.  Actually those sayings are pretty friendly compared to a lot of the negative opinions I sometimes have towards myself.  

I endured a great deal of verbal abuse in my past. Though I am no longer in the situations of being attacked verbally, those weapons from the abuse are still lodged inside my head. Getting them out of my head is not an easy task.  Some weapons have been lodged in there for many years.  Yet I am determined to get them out someday.

Having a negative attitude and thinking negatively can feel almost like an attack to your own self.  Like the people of my past, I “lie” to myself by stealing my self-confidence and believing that I am not good enough.  So how do you defend yourself from…um.....your Self?? 

For me, awareness is the key.  There are those around us and even our own selves, who can steal our joy or bring us down, which may not be intentional.  However that negative atmosphere can cause us to lose the confidence in ourselves or even the world around us.  However, just by being “aware” that is happening helps us to see with clearer eyes.

A lot of times I may not take notice of the "inner" me - what I am really feeling.  I can start feeling angry, bitter, and complain a lot.  The sadness, numbness, or just the refusal to "feel" anything may set in.  When I feel worthless, out of control, or refuse to "feel" anything at all, that's a hint that the ghosts from my past are haunting my spirit once again.  I have allowed “something” to steal my happiness.

The sweet thing about awareness is realizing that we have choice.  I can choose to let the past control my future and fall into the same routine of being ugly towards myself.  Or I can choose to change my thinking and fight back.  I can choose to believe positive things towards myself such as "I am enough. I don't have to be perfect." I can choose to dwell on the positives of life by being grateful for every little aspect of my life.  Unlike my past, I can choose to associate with friends and family who have a positive impact in my life. Or I can be stubborn, like I am most days, and isolate myself. Regardless, I can choose my battles.  

I use to believe and was lead to believe that I didn't have choices.  Like many others in toxic relationships and addictive families, we choose to keep things "calm" on the home front.  We give up our confidence, feelings, needs, and wants just so that there is no trouble stirred up.  Amazingly, we bury those feelings so deep down within that we forget who we are, what we feel, and even what we want. Unfortunately, one of the worst parts about this behavior is that it’s like the gift {pain} that keeps on giving.  Verbal abuse, as with any abuse or negative pattern, can continue on within the family unless someone chooses to change the pattern.

Change can be easy but the willingness to change is the hard part.  We can take comfort though in knowing that we don't have to take on this battle alone.  That willingness part comes from realizing that we can't conquer those demons without God's help.  When we are willing and ready, God will provide the courage, determination, patience, and other stuff we need to change our destructive patterns. All we have to do is ask for His Help.  Remember to think about what you are thinking about by practicing.

Info about Codependency (http://www.coda.org/)

Info about Alanon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html)

Negative Thinking + An Unwillingness to Change = Negative Results