The Gift of Belonging

What's more important than a Gift?

When I was growing up, I couldn’t wait for Christmas.  Each year seemed longer than the previous one as I looked forward to what Santa left behind under the tree.  The majority of the time I didn’t get the gift that I had written to Santa about but that didn’t matter.  At least he had left me something under the tree.

Growing up in poverty can cause Christmas to be a lot less fun when you see the nice gifts that other kids have, not to mention the stress that the parents have to endure. I was blessed to have gifts under the tree on many Christmas mornings.  However, we did have our share of quite a few Christmases where we debated about even decorating as we had no money for gifts or even a wonderful Christmas dinner.

As children, my aunts and uncle, who were a few years older than me, seldom had gifts under the tree.  Homemade Christmas decorations were made from paper, buttons, or whatever else they could find.  A scrawny pine tree that my uncle had dug up served as the centerpiece on a few occasions. Strangely, my Grandma somehow always managed to make delicious Christmas desserts, rolls, and breads from out of nothing. It was if she had magically whipped them up out of dirt.  I can remember a few times when I went with my aunts and uncle to the Salvation Army in South Jackson, KY.  A ministry would host a Christmas party in a big gymnasium where Santa would be there.  The children of Jackson would sometimes get coats, clothes, toys, and a bag filled with fruit and nuts.

As usual, our stressful times mainly came from school.  Every year at LBJ Elementary, our class had the option of picking names so that the students could give one another presents. What kid doesn’t want a present? Naturally almost all kids wanted to draw names. The name you picked was to remain a “secret” until the day of gift giving. 

Of course I always threw my name in the bucket to be picked even though my mom had warned me many times not to draw names.  Fearing her wrath, I waited until a few days before our class gift exchange to tell her the bad news.  A few times the gift I brought was wrapped in white freezer paper or aluminum foil with yellow freezer tape left over from one of our hog killings.  Once I even took a gift in a paper bag. Regardless, I still had to take a gift for the name I had drawn even if my mom made me give away a toy of my own.

Like me, my aunt was warned to never draw names.  My grandparents could barely afford food on the table, so buying some strange kid a gift was definitely out of the question. Yet my aunt could not contain her eagerness one year and she threw her name in the bucket anyway.  When names were drawn, she barely took notice of the name she held.  Besides, she was certain to get a gift. Unfortunately the day of gift exchange came all too quickly.  She had “forgotten” to bring a gift.  As the gifts were passed out to the children, my aunt excitedly opened hers. A doll.  Not exactly what she wanted but at least she got a chance to open a gift.  One child sat without a gift.  Tears ran down her face. She was the “forgotten” name that my aunt had picked.  Before the teacher could investigate names, my aunt gave the doll to the “forgotten” girl. My aunt cared less about some doll.  She was just happy being part of a group that opened presents.

The gift of giving is always an important lesson at Christmas, but the gift of belonging is even more important.  It’s not always the gift that we seek but the joy of unwrapping a gift of belonging.

No matter what gift you give or get this Christmas, share the gift of joy and love with others. Help them feel "belonged" even if they are strangers to you.

The precious gift at Christmas is knowing

that we belong in God's family.

Merry Christmas!

Spinning Out of Control

There they lay, taunting almost giggling at me, were my keys, shinning from the evening sun, in the locked Durango.  What was even more painful yet almost humorous were the backup keys were also locked in there.  Out of control? Uh....just a little!  What I did have control over were my emotions {almost}.  I was visiting with some new Christian friends, so my reaction to my locked up keys was much calmer than had I been alone in a parking lot somewhere. Stay calm, think, and pray for guidance. Most often these are not the steps I usually take.  I react with fear, anxiety, and panic.  On a positive note I was able to call a locksmith, which took him an easy 5 seconds total to break into my car and retrieve the keys.  Unfortunately my locked key incident cost me $70 and a little embarrassment in front of my new friends.

Back in October my doctor started slowly removing me from anti-depressants.  Although there has been an improvement with my weight loss, I find my self drifting back into that emotional roller coaster at times, like putting on old shoes that really don’t fit or feel comfortable anymore. For me, the smallest failure or let down suddenly can become a major drama attack within my own head. The sudden lapse of thinking clearly causes the tears to flow, objects to fly, and a negative attack against my own self.

Like most health problems, depression is not an easy battle. Being out of control of your own emotions can be scarier than having locked keys in the car. Yet just as with anything else that we don’t have control over, we have to seek support and help. This means simply letting go of:

• Self-pride and seeing our limits
• Shame and admitting we are powerless
• Guilt and accepting defeat

Admitting we are powerless is the first step in the 12 step programs and the root of prayer.

Accepting that things our beyond control but knowing that God can help is similar to retrieving the keys out of the locked car. The peace comes from knowing that there is no problem greater than God.  From health problems, job loss, divorce, marriage, having children, traffic jams, and even small issues with locked keys, God has control of all the issues.  Even if God’s time clock is not on our worldly time, He is always right on Time.  When we relax, accept that He’s in control and stop controlling the situation, He will guide us to the next step that needs to be taken.  We don’t have to be perfect or do things perfectly, just be….!

God is more than the Locksmith. He is the Key to our peace within.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

 --Reinhold Niebuhr

Fear of Change

Who likes changes???
My stomach ached with fear and anxiety.  I dreaded to start the day as I was tired from a restless night full of worry and crying.  This was to be a new year filled with joy, excitement, and new goals.  Yet I would have rather been swept away with the old year like a memory pushed under the rug. The year started off in a negative light - I had lost my dad, my ex had moved out, and my close friend and co-worker was leaving.  Everyone seemed to be disappearing right in front me as I struggled to cling onto them.  Many times getting out of bed was such a fight.  The only positive I saw was the weight loss from my lack of appetite with all of my anxiety and depression. This was me at the beginning of last year. 


Change.  Does anyone really like change, other than that clinging sound of the stuff in your pocket yearning for the vending machine? Negative change never fails to come right when life is going so great then suddenly life turns upside down.  You lose a job, or a spouse, a loved one, something close to you, or your car unexpectedly breaks down.  Perhaps the situation can be even more extreme such as losing a home to a tragedy like the big "F"s -- fire, flood, or foreclosure.


Even positive changes can be scary like getting a new job, a baby, or a new home. We wrestle with the idea of making the right decisions.  Should I take this route?  Maybe we feel failure, rejection, or that something bad will happen if we do  a "different" thing.  We stick to the same routine as we know what to expect.  However, sometimes the very goal or passion we yearn for in life can be the very thing we keep running from.

Change is unavoidable.  Whatever the case, life changes, whether they are good or bad, can be very scary.  Is there a change in your life that NEEDS to happen yet you are too afraid? 
That impending fear of going down a different new path of life keeps us circling around in a dirty pond with no room for growth.  Imagine if we never conquered our fear of change - stuck crawling instead of walking, stuck in the same rut of life with the same routine.  Step out Faith.

God asks us to trust Him, step out in faith, knowing that whatever choice we make, He will always be there to protect us. We can rest in peace knowing that when God throws unexpected changes in our lives, He wants the change to be for the good in our lives, to bring out the best in us. As Romans 8:28 states"...we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him." After all, He knows what is best for us even when we think we know it ALL.

Take a new route in life.  God has exciting adventure waiting for you.

Don’t box us in. . . . Ok, maybe a little. Bay Area Citizen Opinion Houston Community Newspapers Online - News Around Town

Well said...:

Don’t box us in. . . . Ok, maybe a little. Bay Area Citizen Opinion Houston Community Newspapers Online - News Around Town

Make your Voice Heard...!

It's Election time so stand up for SOME changes!

Don't be "bullied" by the elected officials who refuse to hear your concern. Unhappy with the politics?

Get out there and VOTE for change.

Make your VOICE Heard!

It's TIME for Better changes!  I enjoyed this article....

http://breathittonline.com/blog/2010/10/27/breathitt-county-judge-stops-another-meeting/

Safe Room

Safe Room

Bullied by a Religion

The Unseen Bully

As usual, I sat quietly in study hall lost in another world.  It was easy to disregard the other students around me. On occasions, I would hear their whispers and giggles about my hair, shoes, or whatever else about my appearance that was comical to them. By the time I was a junior in high school, I wasn't a stranger to bullies.  In fact, I had grown quiet bored of other students' disapproval and immature laughter at me.  Yet the whispers did not make me invulnerable. Rejection still hurts regardless.  A couple of girls questioned me and made hurtful comments about my clothes.  Too embarrassed, I never shared much and always replied with smiles.  Apparently this was even more comical to them.  Thankfully by the end of the semester, I was able to transfer to another class.  On my way out the door, one of the arrogant girls stated "Bye, Miss Smiley".  I gladly smiled my biggest smile at her and went on my merry way.

As long as I can remember, I always longed for that sense of belonging with others.  Regardless of how I was treated, I don't recall confronting many people, mainly out of fear, but also because I know the pain of rejection. Early on my parents taught me the spirit of love and respect for others.  While this is a great asset, I was also taught to remain quiet and that your opinion isn't that important. However, now my heart has been called not to be quiet and to share my thoughts.

Lately the bully issue has been a hot topic. Most times when we think of bullying, the scenes from The Christmas Story may make us chuckle. Yet bullying still occurs long after we have left those wonder years behind.  Like my junior year experience, the unseen enemy is right next to you.  Maybe you are wrapped up in another world like I was in those teen years.  " What bully? How can bullying possibly be in religion?" Easy.

Our country's foundation was an exciting new beginning with the freedom to share and practice Christianity.  The freedom we have in American truly is a blessing so no wonder many scramble to get in our doors.  The freedom of speech, to choose, to love, and the freedom of religion.  However this freedom can also cause chaos among those who believe their opinion, their religion, and their leadership is the RIGHT and only way.  We lose sight of the importance of it all.

I have been fortunate to have friends and acquaintances from diverse cultures, opinions of life, and religious denominations.  What amazes me the most is that regardless of the beliefs, the common denominator is always God, Prayer, and Peace Towards Others. Did I choose these people or was it God, my Heavenly Father, who brought us together? I believe "our {re}connection could be impacting a yet bigger picture somewhere else" as my childhood best friend, Betty, stated to me in a recent email. Our reconnecting friendship just happened a few years ago through some unfortunate events.

Whatever your belief, I felt blessed and compelled to share the link below as presented by a Muslim / Christian speaker, George Chavanikamannil, who recently spoke at my church, Grace Community.  His knowledge of the Koran and the "Islamic Extremists" shattered my heart. Strangely, I felt much sadness but not just because the Koran denies Christ, my Saviour, calls Jews "filthy pigs", or strives to "kill" those who deny the Koran. The sadness I felt and still feel is the separation of all mankind.  As tragic as it was was, my heart is still warm from those friendly humble "togetherness" moments days after the 9/11 incident.

While there may be many beliefs and lots of spirituality confusion, this is not by accident. The Enemy loves to have confusion and separation.  Having extremists (bullies), whether it be a cult, social group, or religion, who wants to annihilate you because you are Jewish, Christian, or anything other than Islam/Muslim or an unbeliever is not part of God's world. That separation from God, our inner Peace, causes us to hurt and disbelieve in anything good.

And just as there is confusion, there is also Hope.  Hope for all believers, regardless, to pray, to seek within their heart, and hold tight to the Power that is stronger that us all, which is God's Almighty Hand. Stand strong and smile at the bully.

We have the choice to believe in HIM, yet God never refuses to choose us.

• Info on the Koran & Islam
• No Matter What

Trying to Catch Up

Never good enough...

I have spent the majority of my life trying to catch up with others.  Here I am, weeks away from being 40,  and I still find myself trying to be smart, pretty, spiritual, or just good enough.  If I only I had that certain "thing" that some else seems to have.  I have fought for so long to try to "catch up" and be equal to others so that I would finally feel more lovable, well liked, and accepted towards my own self.

These past "grown up" years, I have spent many hours reading co-dependency books, attending meetings, and listening to motivational speakers.  I have bounced around in a few churches until I finally found a comfortable one.  I even have a few great non-judgmental Christian friends who sometimes mentor and pray with me.  So why do I always come back to this "less than" feeling?

We are told so many times to let go and give it to God.  Turn your life over and accept Christ in your heart. Take it one day at time.  Walk in faith and easy does it.  Why do these answers sound so simple? Probably because in the end, it is.

For me, I could complicate working on the easiest thing like gluing two pieces of paper together. "How much glue? Glue it on the top? What about the middle? What about the bottom? Man, mine's not as good as yours!" Being the "drama" queen and emotional person that I am at times (which is OK too), I get so caught up that I miss the simplicity of it all.

Its not always easy for me just to simply to turn my problems and will over to God.  For a while, I had a control issue as if I couldn't trust God.  I often thought that I couldn't rely on Him as if He would let me down,  as others had done.  Even though my trust in God has improved, I still struggle with not wanting to "bother" Him so I'll just do it on my own.  In my eyes, my problems are not as important nor as of a big concern compared to the worldly problems. I am not as worthy as everyone else.  Thankfully, God doesn't see it that way.

As I was crying over this issue again today, I remembered my counselor friend helping me in the past. She had me remember the earliest time of having the same inadequate hurtful feelings.  It helps to know that the majority of those less than (unworthiness) and shaming feelings derive from our childhood and can be 'fixed'.  That part of me, the "wounded child", sometimes get stuck on situations of the past.  By recalling those times and "feel" those shaming or unworthy feelings, , the grown up part of me can console her as if she were my own daughter. With God's help, I can get back on track in the real world.  I can choose not to live there in the pain anymore and be the "grown up".  I don't have to listen to the negative talk anymore.  I have to reprogram those yucky thoughts of criticism which then helps the wounded me be free.

Many recovery groups have a 12 Step program for over complicators like myself. These steps are simple spiritual concepts. Regardless of what you are going through, God never leaves your side.

We don't have to live in the pain of the past.  Each moment can be a new beginning and a new love towards our self.

Be Nice to You.

Why Am I Here?

Experiencing the Honey Festival from the Other Side....

On the Other Side

I sat at my table watching the people drift by.  They barely glanced my way.  There were so many wonderful things to look at so why would they take a second look at me.  Those old feelings of shame, embarrassment, and failure began to creep into my soul.  Why did I come here? Was it really that important to share my thoughts and reach out the people passing my way? How foolish I felt compared the other bustling booths at the Honey Festival. What was even more frightening was that it was only Friday night.  I had two more days so sit at this table - two more days to sit and watch the happy families walk on by while I stared aimlessly at them.

The trip to KY had started off bad.  For the first time in my life, I had missed my plane out of Houston and had to sit for nearly two hours for the next flight.  In addition, I was so induced with my mom's conversation that I missed the Mountain Parkway exit and got lost several times. By the way, why can't they just add a dang exit for that parkway on the other side of the interstate? No wonder I felt like a failure at this point. 

Like a movie preview, memories of my past began to flash within my mind.  My eyes began to water as I recalled them all -- memories of never fitting in no matter how hard you tried.  Those same old feelings of never being good enough, smart enough, and always being shuffled to the side as if you never mattered.  I remember wanting to cry out, to have a voice, but it always seemed useless.  No would listen anyway. That was over 20 years ago and here I sat reliving those haunting memories as if they had just happened.  

I feared the rejection. Most of all, I feared annoying people, the people of Eastern KY who I have such a compassion and love for.  Perhaps they would think of me as some weird stranger who had no idea about life in the hills of KY.  It has been awhile since I have had to walk up the holler, pack water from the branch, or nearly gotten ran over crossing Main Street in Jackson.  Funny how all that comes back so naturally.  Yet I knew I was here for a reason.  I had something to share.  

Me and my Booth

Well, I am Truly happy that this was not the whole story from my Honey Festival experience. Friday night did start off awkward but by the end of the evening, I couldn't wait to run to Wal-Mart before it closed.  I just had to have more goodies to give out and improve my booth a little more.  Of course, getting my 4-H corn dog came first!  It tasted even better than I remembered alongside the ice cold Coke!! Coke is our preferred option in Texas over Pepsi.  Sorry Pepsi Lovers! :)

By Saturday, I was able to sell nearly all of my books, I Found Me, leaving only 4 books left for Sunday.  I also gave out plenty of business cards, stickers, articles, bookmarks, candy, as well as Hugs and promises of prayers to those I met.  The old feelings of rejection and sadness were long replaced with laughter, smiles, and a stronger deep compassion for my hometown.

Mike Bryant and Me (BHS Class of '88!)

By the end of the weekend, I felt sad taking down my table and sign.  Yet I knew  that I had made an accomplishment.  I had came here to serve as God's purpose.  In fact, I was able to donate two copies of my books to the Jackson Library.  Check them out if you didn't get a chance to stop by my booth! Perhaps I can attend the Honey Festival again next year!! :)

Obey God's whispering commands, those inner instincts.  Trust God!

My cousin Alonzo and Me

My cousin Gina and Me

Teach them Early about Voting!

Teach them Early about Voting!

Gearing Up for the 2010 Honey Festival

Hey Ya'll! 

When I was growing up, I use to LOVE going every year to the Honey Festival in Jackson, KY.  I use to count down the days to Labor Day so I would be out of school for the long weekend and get a chance to go to town.   I  dreamed of being a "clogger" after seeing the Jackson clogging team dance to the wonderful Bluegrass music.  I also loved eating the 4-H Booth's Corn Dogs. They were sooo yummy!

Of course the festival seemed huge to me back then as there were so many people everywhere.  My parents and I would walk around all the booths in the giant tent that was stretched out down Main Street.  We gazed at all the crafts and other neat stuff even though we couldn't afford to buy hardly any of it.  After a few years of attending the festival, my cousin Alonzo and I started a tradition of getting the ceramic Honey Bee pin with our names printed on them.  Since we rarely got to go to many places while growing up, the Honey Festival was our favorite and most exciting time of the year. Unfortunately, I haven't been to the festival in many years.

Well....I am soooo excited to announce that I - little old me - will be hosting a booth in the BIG tent at this year's 2010 Honey Festival this Labor Day weekend! Woo Hoo!! It was a blessing that I was able to make it in the booth line up.  I feel even more blessed that I will be able to provide some goodies and free articles of mine. However, if you want to save some trees and read the articles online, feel free to download a copy below.   I hope to have a few more.

I am very very excited to be a participant at the Honey Festival and see all the people of my hometown.  Of course I will be selling copies of my book, "I Found Me", on sale for $15.  I wish I could give them away but an author's gotta break even somewhere -- right? Even if I don't sell one book, it makes me very happy that I will be able to provide some articles and talk to the hometown folk.  I have such a passion and love for my hillbilly people.  By the way, the first 10 participants who purchase my book will get a Free book bag.  I hope that you will like them!

Anyway, hope to see you there! Stop by and say hi! =) I wonder if they still sell those Honey Bee pins?

Some articles that will be available:

• Someone in Your Family Driving You Nuts?  (Alanon/Alateen Info)
• Drunk on Election Day (Election Fraud Info)

 ""You can take the Girl out of the Country, but you can't take the country out of the girl!"  

Be proud of your hillbilly heritage! I AM!

New Shoes

I Love Shoes!!

In the past couple of weeks I have been gearing up for this year's 2010 Honey Festival in my hometown of Jackson KY.  In addition to making tote bags, stickers, and a host of other various freebies for my "I Found Me" booth, I had almost forgotten the most important part, Shoes!! If you are like me, I find every excuse I can to purchase some new shoes. Thankfully Payless was having a "buy one, get one half off" sale.  My intent was to get just one pair of comfy shoes since I will being doing lots of walking around the festival. Yet how I could I miss out on a sale like that? My one pair turned into four pair of shoes.  =) Now I am stuck debating which pair to take on my trip back home?


Yet getting a pair of new shoes  was never easy to come by when I was growing up.  Getting a second pair would have been unheard of so I think I am making up for lost time! I always hated school shopping with my mom.  Not only did it mean that the summer was over but I had to be dragged to the thrift store or to Wal-Mart to get clothes.  Plus it really didn't matter what clothing or shoes I liked.  I was stuck with whatever my parents could afford and whatever my mom liked.  Of course there were arguments which I failed miserable at as she would say that when I got my own money, I could buy my own shoes. 

When my dreaded freshman year rolled around I had a few dollars saved up from selling eggs.  Like most early teens, I thought I knew it all! I was going to have a "say so" this year when we went shopping for clothes.  Wal-Mart had just opened up the year before in Jackson.  Everyone flocked to it like a fox in a hen house.  My mom and I went through the same routine just like ever year.  We bickered over the clothes she picked out and I had to try them on anyway.  I hate trying on clothes still to this day!  After coming out of the dressing room, my mom and total strangers would be conversing on whether the clothes fit right or not.  She'd make me turn around several times before I'd  have to do it all over again with another outfit.

My feet had grown quite a bit over the summer so it was hard to find shoes at Wal-Mart.  Somehow we got stuck going to a fancier store in Jackson like Rose Brothers or Dawhar's.  It was there when I first fell in love with shoes.

The year was 1984 and of course Michael Jackson, break dancing, and music videos were HOT!  My cousin Alonzo had a break dancing book and he taught me a few moves.  Naturally, a dancer at heart, I fell in love with break dancing---moon walking, popping and locking and whatever other freaky moves we learned.  Yet in all the videos, the break dancers seem to have "special shoes" that made them look like they were floating.  THOSE shoes were on Sale at the store we were at and I HAD HAD HAD to HAVE them, no matter what!! Unfortunately, the shoes only came in RED.  They had no other colors or styles.  It didn't matter to me! They were break dancing shoes!  I thought they were the most awesome, coolest shoes ever invented!

Unfortunately, even being on sale they were too expensive for my mom's taste. I begged and pleaded with her. I even gave her my egg money, which in all honesty, was probably just about $5.  The shoes were a lot more than that! She reminded me that these were the only pair of shoes I could get for the entire year.  I tuned out everything she said and thought she was mean and dumb for not wanting me to get the shoes.  Unfortunately, I got them--bright Red Cloth shoes.  Cloth shoes.  Not ideal for walking in and out of a holler for a whole year in mud, rain, snow, and ice not to mention that the soles were pretty thin as well.  They also didn't go very well with my school clothes.  I had to wear the RED shoes with Every outfit to school.

Those shoes lasted about a month or two before holes were torn into them from my walking and the rough conditions.  It didn't matter.  They were my break dancing shoes and MJ would be so proud. My pride would not let me complain much either. Thankfully my Grandma felt some sympathy for me and got me some tennis shoes from the Dollar Store later that year .

What's the moral of this story? Never buy red shoes? LOL  Nah...!  Sometimes God gives us what we want even if its not good for us.  Sometimes, like my mom, He's says "Ok...but you will have to live with the consequences."  

Choose carefully the life you want and the things you want, 

as you most often don't get a second chance!

Nourish Your Friendships

Friends are like Flowers!
I like to think of friendships kind of like plants or flowers. When you find a nice one, you want it to grow by planting the seed. However, you have to remember to nourish it by watering, fertilizing, and paying attention to it. Friendships are the same way. It requires us to give away a part of ourselves, to pay attention. We have to take the time to listen and share of ourselves like watering the plant. We take the time to allow it to grow by spending time with our friends such as fertilizing to help the friendship grow. Our friends should bring out the best of who we are as we do the same for them...to encourage, brighten, and help each other grow in the way God has called us to be.

I've never been good with plants. In fact, if you want a plant to die, just let me touch it as I must have the plague for plants. Embarrassingly, the same is true when it comes to my friendships. I am able to share with others and be open about a lot of things. However, there always seems to be an emotional "halt" or "wall" that comes up when I feel I am getting too comfortable. My trust guard jumps up and says "Hey, we'd better not go any further!"

Perhaps its my "only" child syndrome that allows me to be secure and safe in my own little world. As with a lot of "only" children, our time with friends is valuable, sometimes attention hungry, yet we have no problem walking away and being alone. We've been alone most of our childhood. Our close friends were inanimate objects, things we would cling to as if the objects had real feelings or souls.

Perhaps it could also be those toxic friendships of my past where I gave and gave of myself yet was taken advantage of many times. I have a tendency to over give of myself. Because of my esteem issues, I often seek the approval or the OK from the other person. Slowly I am learning that it is not the approval from others that I need. Its the acceptance of God that I have already received. It's up to me to be acceptance of myself and to accept the love of God in my life on a daily sometimes hourly basis.

I would like to have more flowers in my life. I know God will provide them, some thorns and weeds too, but it will be up to me to water and fertilize them.

Nourish the friends in your life!

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!

Howdy..!

Did you miss me? (Probably didn't even notice that I was gone!) It's been a few weeks since I had a chance to add a new post. Okay...maybe it was a little longer than a few weeks. I hope that everyone's summer is going great despite the massive heat wave, the fall of the economy, the never ending oil spill / clean up, and last but not least - let us not forget the ongoing debate of the Arizona immigration law drama. What an eventful Summer!!!


As for my summer, I have been participating in an early American History class as part of my degree plan. It's a relative easy class as we refresh what we kind of already know about American History. In case you have forgotten, here's a quick overview:

1. Colonists (Us) came to America for a new beginning for life, liberty, and equality.
2. WE then pushed the natives aside, gave them plenty of diseases not to mention the thousands killed in the process as we took their land.
3. Established the colonies (states) and developed our Government (Constitution).
4. Got in a big fight with the British for our independence (Yah! 4th of July!).
5. Kidnapped some people from another country to work for us for FREE (slavery) while killing more natives (Indians) to get MORE land.
6. Got in another big fight - this time with Mexico to get Texas (Yah Texas!), Arizona, and New Mexico which by the way, the natives were "Mexicans" but then became "Americans".
7. Then someone found gold in California...so naturally we gotta get More land!
8. Got in another big fight (Civil War) with each other (North vs South) to decide what to do about the free workers (slavery).
9. Of course we know the South loses, the slaves are Freed, lots more stuff happens, then flash a little over a century and Obama is President....(Yikes!)
10. ...and the drama still continues.

All in all I have really enjoyed the class in re-learning American History as my interests and views have changed through the years. A few years ago I could have cared less about politics, our history, or even furthering my education as I was lost in a different kind of world full of my own drama.

But now my eyes have been opened, my spirit is awaken, and an inspiration pings at my heart. I see such changes in world that is frightening. It makes me wonder how far any of us would go to stand up for our beliefs and values that our ancestors did so many years ago. How far are we willing to "walk" and "fight" off the enemy for a better life for ourselves and our family? If our forefathers of our country could see the state of this great nation currently, what would cross their minds?


I celebrated the 4th of July with my family this year with a great sense of honor. For the first time in my life, I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I watched the fireworks. I recalled the fights I read about and felt grateful for the freedom we still have in our country. We celebrated the fireworks show with a good friend of ours, Melissa from Germany, who had been an exchange student here a couple of years ago. It was an honor to know her and learn her culture as some of my ancestors are from Germany as well. Yet, I felt very proud to have her celebrate our freedom, our independence, our celebration this 4th.


Honoring our country, respecting our veterans, respecting the laws of the land seems to be slowly dwindling from our very own leaders unfortunately.


It's time to get back this sinking ship as I see it, full of unappreciative people who aren't rowing or doing their part, and set sail for a new beginning like our forefathers once did. We NEED leaders and full-time workers who love and honor the values our country was founded on.

Honor this Country! Fly your American Flag High and Proud! Pay much respect to the people serving to Protect it!

Congrats to the Class of 2010

It's that time again--Graduation. It's been a long while since I have been to a graduation - 2005 was the last time I believe. It's been even a longer time since I graduated but we won't go there. 

Graduation is a sweet yet scary time.  A time for new beginnings, new relationships, and new promises.  As we say so long to our former classmates and head down life's pathway, we can't imagine anything more important than graduating.  We can't imagine that we will ever forget the names of our classmates.  Yet 5 years pass by, then another, and we may be surprised to realize that we have drawn a blank to some of our teachers' and classmates' names.

What will not be forgotten though is graduation day.  The emotions, the music, what we wore, the family,  and maybe even the name of some valedictorians who had a chance to speak will be forever engraved in our mind.

As the Bon Jovi song, "Never Say Good-bye", so sweetly played on my graduation day, courtesy to our valedictorian, Missy Ison -- OK, I went there :-) --, the graduation memory was officially forever stamped in my heart.  I still get 'teary' eyed when I hear that song today. Although life continues on, we will never say good bye to the memories or the emotion of togetherness we felt that graduation day.

My family and I are very proud and happy to celebrate this year's high school graduate, my cousin Amanda McAdams.  She graduated (with honors) and already has a semester of college hours. She is a natural beauty full of talent, wit, and a sweet personality who I know will accomplish her dreams. Check out the graduation picture gift I created for her.

Way to Go, Amanda, Class of 2010!!

We are so very PROUD of You!!

Have You Been Robbed?

I detest thieves!

I recently bought a circular fan as a donation to the gym room at my apartments.  It’s pretty neat that my apartment complex has this small room with a treadmill, exercise bike, and weight machine. Hey, it’s not a 24-Hour Fitness or anything but the convenience works. Unfortunately, the apartment staff has a tendency to turn the A/C off after hours making the room sometimes unbearable.  The fan I bought was nothing fancy, just something I found at Wal-Mart the other day. After dragging my body to the room yesterday morning before work, I was so mad that I could spit nails--what a site that would be.  The new fan I bought was already gone! The nerve! You know that feeling, the disheartening and anger that someone would actually steal.

Usually it’s not the “things” we are really mad about but the complete lack of respect to robe us of our values. Often we think of material things as the stuff being stolen from us.  However things can be taken away from us almost on a daily basis. 

Have you ever “given” or practically “sold” yourself away? When we give away our rights, privileges, happiness, or settle for less than what we deserve, our peace and joy is robbed right from underneath us.  Unless we have peace inside of who we really are, the money and material things are just duct tape – a temporary fix for happiness.  True, I’d like to win the lottery someday just so I can see if money really does buys me happiness. Yet there are a lot more important things to me than that. 

My heritage, my family, my friends, my beliefs, and my values are priceless!  Those are the things that need to be protected the most.  Its unfortunate that the society we live in today are the thieves – the media, the politicians, the entertainment business, the economy, and even false religious leaders are the ones stealing from us.  We lose a part of ourselves when we become like mindless sheep and abide by what society says who we are or who we ought to be.   Like robots we allow these people to take advantage of our weakness instead of standing up for ourselves and our values.
What's more disturbing are the innocent young lives that have had their life literally taken away from someone because they were unable to defend themselves.

It breaks my heart to see and hear about those who steal or give away a part of themselves. Often I find myself giving away a part of me, trying to make someone happier or feeling that I am not good enough.  In my past relationship, I had to pay for nearly everything. In a sense, I “paid” to have a relationship and gave away the true me. The true lost is being without the inner peace. So in an odd way, those who steal are being robbed themselves from the inner peace.

Sometimes when I have had things taken from me, I want to seek refuge.  The anger and powerlessness I feel overwhelms me.  Then I am reminded of a couple of Bible verses, Leviticus 19:18 which states “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD” and Romans 12:19 that states “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"^[a]says the Lord.” In due time, God will restore what was lost.

Inner peace...blah, blah, blah…whatever and who cares…right? Well, once you find it and know it well, that inner peace will be your most valuable asset and the one thing you can take with you to the grave. 

Re-Evaluate Your Values and Protect Them!

Drunk on Election Day

Tempted to Sell or Give Away Your Vote? 

     When I was growing up, election time seemed to be an eventful time in my family. On occasions I was able to visit the polls as my parents voted. Since my dad couldn’t read, it was not uncommon for voting volunteers to assist him in the voting booth. It also was not uncommon to see him and my Grandpa as well as many others drunk (intoxicated) on Election Day. In fact, everyone I knew was aware that Election Day brought many alcoholics to the polls. As a child, I had no clue that selling your vote was any harm nor given an alcoholic a 5th of Jim Beam for his vote was illegal. It all seemed natural to me. In fact, many of the poor like my family looked forward to Election Day so the electric bill could get paid or groceries bought. So it doesn’t surprise me that this tradition still continues today except the candidates have graduated from alcohol to pills and other drugs. It’s very easy for officials and candidates to take advantage of those who are poor, addicts, or just uninformed.
      Not long ago I had written about the issues my mom was having with the Breathitt County officials (Issues with Breathitt County Officials)  in fixing the Fugate's Fork Road.  A political official offered to fix the road in return for votes.  In addition, it very easy to see the many newly "graveled" driveways during election time with signs posted for those already in office.  Meanwhile the public county roads nearby are in awlful conditions that don't include enough gravel to barely cover a mud puddle.  So the issue regarding voting fraud hasn't been far from my mind since it is election time.

All this made me wonder why officials are still able to get elected into office if many of the residents disagree with their leadership. Obviously, people either 1.) Refuse to vote, 2.) Vote out of guilt for friends or family, or 3.) Bribery.

 Although voting fraud seems impossible to stop, it’s important that people know the importance of voting.  Nothing will improve in the area if residents continue to sell or give away their right to vote. Nothing will improve in the area if residents don’t stand up for what they believe in.  With what little rights we still have left, it’s not worth selling out or risking jail time to corrupt candidates who obviously care less about you and your community and more about themselves. 

DO your part - anonymously report voting fraud at

1-800-328-VOTE (8683)!!!

Hope for a Life of Anxiety

Someone in your family driving you nuts?

It's all around you, it's ugliness.  The lies. The destruction. The torn lives. The control over you.  Addiction. For the majority of my life, I have seen the power that drugs and alcohol has over my loved ones. Growing up, I assumed it was a way of life as if everyone's family lived in the toxic, turnmoil, and anxiety; that everyone's grandpa or some member of their family drank until they couldn't see straight causing embarrassment and laughter.  SURPRISE! They don't! Not everyone lives that way. 

But living in Eastern KY, you might start to doubt there was family out there who didn't live this way.  You might even think that this is the WAY of Life and my loved one will never change.  Countless times we have had our hearts broken, been manipulated {Again, and again, and again...}, and have tried tirelessly to change someone who Refuses to change or get help.  Time after time we question why. Why? Why won't they change? Why do the treat me this way?  Why don't they just straighten up?

Bottom Line - Why should they?

We are so focused on changing them...our family.  Naturally.  They hurt us and their selves.  However, trying to change someone is like banging your head against the wall trying to make a door. It's not going to happen.  Believe me, I have lived my whole life this way until about year or so ago! It's up to you to change. Change how you react and change your behavior. How?

STOP!!!

• Stop the nagging and threatening 
• Stop giving money and any other material things
• Stop saving them and rescuing them
• Start saying no and setting boundaries 
• Take care of you and what is important to you
• PUT God first and not the individual

There can be Peace and you deserve it. It seems impossible....scary....and pointless...and almost selfish.  Yet change has to happen before the peace can happen.  Change can start very, very, small by telling yourself each day you are lovable and deserve happiness. Don't beat yourself up for giving in or feeling like a failure. Change takes time. Loving and taking care of you BEFORE trying to take care of your family - especially the chaotic one - sounds so selfish and against what we were taught.  Guess what? Have you thought about the person you are rescuing and the selfish lifestyle they are living? Not enabling the addict can save their life.

Of course, I could write an entire book on rescuing, trying to change someone, and tough love.  Thankfully I don't have to and am still learning myself.  

Did you know there are support groups that deal just with the families of addicts or who grew up in addictive homes? It's called Alanon. It's free, safe, and confidential for people to vent, scream, cry, laugh, and support each other when you feel you're in this situation alone.  I started attending in '08 and was surprised that other people were nuts just like me! Wow!

I hope and pray for you and your family through these challenges.  Change can happen in Eastern KY or any home but it takes someone to change.  Check out a local meeting sometime -- there are a few close by.  See the Alanon website for more info.

INSANITY = Doing the same thing over and over and over YET EXPECTING a different result!!

Donation of Life

Would you give a donation for life?

I'm happy to announce that my uncle recently received a liver transplant at the wonderful St. Luke's in the Houston Medical Center.  He had been on the waiting list for about 7 months so when the call came, we were surprised and thankful. He had went through tedious amounts of tests, blood work, paper work, and other routines just to qualify. Though he was frightened and excited to trade in his old non-working ill liver for a newer one, he was thankful more than anything for the donation from the person who obviously no longer needed it and who was laid to rest.

Unfortunately, one of my younger cousins, Ronda, was involved in a tragic motorcycle accident back last year in Campton, KY.   Though she lost her own life, 3 lives were saved because she was an organ donor.  This is a true example on how God can change something so tragic into a wonderful blessing.

We rarely dwell or even like to think about death.  It's something we hope is an event that is way-way-far off! It can be a scary or depressing topic. On top of that, who even wants to think about what happens to our body parts after the fact? However, preparing for your death should be another item on your task list for life's ever occurring events.  Since death is an event that none of us can avoid, it's best to get prepared now instead of leaving the unhappy tasks to our grieving family members. 

There are so many people in America still on that ever long waiting list just hoping and dreaming for a donation of life.  Many still pass on without having the chance or being educated about donating to save a life. Growing up, I heard absurb horror stories about organ donation. Check out some of these organ donation myths. Yet organ donation can be the greatest gift you could ever give to someone....just ask my uncle! < -->
Become a donor at: http://www.organdonor.gov/ or call 1-888-ASK-HRSA.


Don't fear death for God created the cycle of Life.  He made a donation to you so it's your turn to make a donation of life.

Issues with Breathitt County Officials

Have you been robbed?

I really enjoyed writing my last blog entry, "Crossing Over". It gave me a chance to escape and hope for a brighter day.  Lately however, I have been far,  far away from that special Heaven place! :)  I have been dealing with my Mom's issues with getting the County to fix the public road -- Fugate's Fork Road.  If you lived in that area or in Breathitt County, I believe you would understand my dilemma with the county officials.

My mom and many of my family live on Fugate's Fork Road.  It's just a simple 2-3 mile county dirt road running up a holler on the side of the mountain. Don't let the name fool you - we, the Fugate Family do not necesarily own it!! It is maintained by the county which means THEY-- the county officials -- are responsible for maintaining the safety and conditions of the road. 

The Fugate's Fork Road is very dear to me since I walked it nearly everyday for six years to catch the school bus.  So to see the road ignored and damaged affects me personally.  Though I currently don't reside there, my friends and family do.  I have been hearing the struggles and disheartening of the Fugate's Fork residents for many months now.

The road on Fugate's Fork has never been in the best of shape, especially in the last year or so. Lately though, it has gone to the extreme.  The garbage has not been picked up THREE weeks,  my mom and others haven't received their mail nor is she or many other residents in that area able to safely leave Fugate's Fork.  My family has spent countless hours notifiying the County Judge, the magistrate of the area, the County Garage, and even the disctrict representatives.  Yet they are blately being ignored by the County and District Representatives. Time after time after time their requests have been ignored, excused, or even thrown into the trash.  Which makes me wonder how robbed they really are? Why is that these officials able to get elected into office? What's even more surprising is that these officials are running for office in the next election? One official even made a comment that he would fix the road if my family voted for him!

Are you like me? Do you find this issue astounding or appalling? How many times have you heard of votes being bought or bribbed? When I was younger, I thought it was neat that you could get money for voting for someone.  My grandpa was drunk and had lots of money on every election day...guess where he got it?

Now that I am older, I get angry at the thought of uncaring officials robbing poor people and taking advantage of people.  They care only for themselves.

I have contacted several state officials and will continue to contact and fight for Fugate's Fork.  I need your help though---prayers, suggestions, --and ---NO...I not your money! :)  Contact the KY's State Governor, the Attorney General, the Election Fraud Department, the Secretary of State, Lieutant Governor, and any other media contacts that you might have.  Email anyone and everyone you know about this....

Doing this alone is a struggle.....but having friends fight with you makes it better.  I am not afraid for the Lord Lights My Way.

Peace....and Thanks.....BTW - Can you bail me out if you see me in the Breathitt County Jail?? :) LOL

IT's Illegal for Someone to Buy or Bribe Your Vote.  YOUR VOTE DOES COUNT.  YOUR VOICE MATTERS!!!