Go Around and Move Ahead

I was in a rush driving down the road the other day when I felt like I was stuck in a ton of traffic. It never fails! When I am in a hurry, everyone and everything seems to jump from out of nowhere into my path. Being patience is not one of my good qualities. As I glanced at my speed and the time, the car in front of me seemed to be just poking along forever. I wondered what the holdup could possibly be. Finally I couldn’t take it any longer. I sped up and went around the car. To my amazement, there was barely any traffic ahead of the car. Had I known that the car was the only obstacle in my way, I could have just passed it a long time ago.

Life can be a lot like that as well. We may stay too long in a job, a relationship, a habit, or not attempt our goals for fearing what’s ahead. Many times my fear of failure or rejection has kept me locked out of a future. Sometimes I choose paths where I am kept at bay by rescuing others and not focusing on my own needs. Even though I do have compassion for others, the truth is that I receive some sort of self-worth and acceptance when I gain others approval of me.

Go Around and Move Ahead!

There’s a fine line between having a compassionate heart and enabling others. Melody Beattie writes in her meditation book, The Language of Letting Go, that if we worry so much over another’s pain that we neglect our own emotions and needs, then we are probably over involved. If our underline motive is guilt then we are not practicing compassion. If we are so focused on rescuing others, anger and resentment may start to build up. We may start to feel unappreciated, unworthy, and used up.

For years I rescued in my relationships and prayed for changes. As I sat on the porch waiting for God to come rescue me, I couldn’t understand why nothing was changing. What I didn’t realize was that I had to make a change in my behavior. I find it amazing that all I had to do was step off that porch and trust in Him to lead me towards a better future. I could have just walked away from the relationships but fear kept me in prison.

God asks us to step out in faith, do a little work on ourselves, and trust Him with the power over our lives. We don’t know what’s ahead unless we have the courage to go around those things that are slowing us down.

Courage takes us toward our future....

Growth

Recently I came across a journal that I kept from 2005 to 2008. The drama, the sadness, and the depression I felt in those years were overwhelming. I fought back tears reading her sadness. My immediate reaction to reading some of the entries was, what were you thinking, girl? I wasted a lot years waiting on someone to change to my liking.  The entries brought to life a lost girl wrapped up in someone else's actions, expecting him to bring me respect, joy, and purpose, yet being powerless and fearful through it all.

Discounting my feelings from the past is easy now. Yet discounting the feelings doesn’t solve anything. It only shows how much more I have to grow. Those emotions were true and my reality back then just as my emotions are true today. Feelings are not stupid or wrong. They are real and make us human.

Back then I enjoyed journaling and had plenty of time for it. My journal became my best friend. What's wonderful is that journaling our thoughts and feelings can be like a window to our past. We can look back and relive situations. Does the past make us smile or frown? Have we grown and moved on, or are we still stuck in that stale pond on some issues?

Change is not my favorite thing. I want my life to be consistent and stable. But if we want to improve our life, we have to make changes. Sometimes the change is forced upon us. Other times we take those first shaky baby steps of faith. Either way, we have to move forward. New things can be scary. Yet we can place trust in God that whatever change is made, He will be walking with us all along.

I can’t change what or who affected me in my past. But I can forgive myself and the past. Letting go helps me to see that God was molding me for the future. I am praying one day I can look back on journal entries and feel more love and acceptance that God has always had for me.

Accept your past and move forward.